New Year's Eve Festival 2010

Good! You're here. Now we can party like it's 1989! Welcome to the New Year's Eve Festival of 2010.

Before we see which stuff won "best of" let's take a look at what happened over the year, shall we? Well for starters, January 1st of this year meant we were 2 years closer to our imminent doom of the Apocalypse. I still don't believe that, which is why on the supposed 'day the world ends' I'm going to sing REM's It's the End of the World As We Know It.

January 5th, President Obama met with Security Advisers to discuss the failed Christmas Day bombing, AKA, the underwear bomber. Which led to the TSA's tightening of rules...

January 12th, a 7.0 magnitude earthquake wreaks havoc on Haiti. Poor Haitians. I feel sorry for what they went through.

On January 20th, Haiti was hit with a 6.1 magnitude aftershock from the previous 'quake. Man, those guys just have bad luck or something, because I don't know what's going on down there.

January 27th, the Apple company announces its iPad. Whoo, technology just got better.

And also on January 27th, Haiti get hit with yet another aftershock, this one measuring a 4.9 magnitude. What is going on down there?!

February 6, Herman the Snowman is built. Not really important in world history but Herman deserves to be recognized.

February 7th, Super Bowl XLIV was held and the Saints won against the Colts, 31-17. If you drove by my house, Herman was holding a sign that read 'SUPER BOWL XLIV!!'.

February 12th, an Olympic Luger is killed during a practice run. The Olympics started and lasted through the 28th, as did my insane social studies assignment.

February 27th, a massive 8.8 magnitude earthquake it Chile. They say weird stuff happens when it gets close to the apocalypse, right. Because this is pretty weird chiz. First Haiti, then Chile...

March 20th, the volcano Eyjafjallajoekull, in Iceland erupted.

April 20th, the Deepwater Horizon explodes and causes one of the worst environmental disasters in history.

April 27th, the BP oil spill reaches the size of Rhode Island, which isn't so big in retrospect, but if you are an oil spill, it's kinda a big deal.

June 11th, the World Cup "kicks" off in South Africa. I guess you could say they had a "ball". Soccer puns. Always fun.

July 25th, WikiLeaks publishes the Afghan War Diary.

August 5th, BP begins cementing oil pipeline.

August 19th, Operation Iraqi Freedom ends.

October 13th, 33 Chilean miners are rescued after being trapped for 68 days. I remember the CNN live feed of the last miner being pulled out in Social Studies.

October 21st, the Haiti cholera epidemic starts. What's wrong in the Carribean? Just... no...
December 2nd, NASA discovers new life form.

December 21st was the first solstice lunar eclipse since 1638! And my mom got pictures on her camera too. Well, you'd make your mom stay up at 1:30 am to take pictures of the moon if it were the first solstice eclipse in over 300 years and there's not gonna be another one for another 84 years.

Those are some of the big events in 2010. Now let's get on with the Best things of 2010.

First up we have the Best Phone of 2010.
The nominees are
iPhone 3Gs
Android Phones
Blackberry Bold
HTC Nexus

and the best phone is... Android Phones. With their robotic....commercials and.... apps and....miscellaneous items.

Up next is Best TV Show of '10.
Nominees:
NCIS
Chuck
It Only Hurts When I Laugh
Victorious
Big Time Rush

and the winner is NCIS!

The next class of nominees is Worst 2010 Disaster.
Nominees:
Haiti earthquake
BP oil spill
California wildfires
2010 Heatwave

and the winners losers are Haiti earthquake and the oil spill people.

We'll be right back so please enjoy this picture of a chrysanthemum.

And we're back. Isn't it a pretty chysanthemum. I can't belive I can spell that correctly. Anyways it's time to find out what is the best website for 2010.

Is it:

The Other Wiki (aka Wikipedia)

Yahoo

Youtube

Google products

the winners are Youtube and the Google people.

And now it's time to find out what the best song of 2010 is.

Will it be

Bad Romance

Hey, Soul Sister

Baby

and the winner is...Hey, Soul Sister! I both love and hate that song because it's always getting stuck in my head, and my social studies class from last year kinda ruined the song for me from singing it out of tune. *shudder shudder*

And finally the last category for the best things of 2010 is Best Commercial for '10.

Nominees;

Keep your hands off my Doritos

VW commercials

Kindle commercials

Subway commercials

and the winner is.... Keep Your hands off my Doritos.

And now for the Best of The Best. Starting with the Worst Disaster of the Decade.

The nominees are;

The Twin Tower Attacks

Hurricane Katrina

2004 Tsunami

and the worst thing of the decade is 9/11 and Katrina.

The results for the best infomercial merchandise of the decade are in.

The nominees:

Mighty Putty

ShamWOW

Snuggie

EmeryCat

and the winners are Migty Putty and ShamWOW.

Best Commercial of the Decade.

Nominees:

Bird in the Hand

Sargent Therapy

Taco Party

the best commericial of the decade is... Sargent Therapy. "Maybe we should chug on over to Mamby-Pambyland where maybe we can find some self-confidence ya jackwagon!"

And finally the best song of the decade.

Nominees;

Single Ladies

Feel Good Inc.

Clocks

The Pretender

and the best songs from 2000 to 2010 are Feel Good Inc and Clocks

All right. Now you know everything that happened this year and the years greatest things AND the decades greatest things. Have a safe and happy holiday.

Cheese Face out

RE: Claymation Attack

Yes I made this video all by myself using my cellphone. So that explains why the picture quality isn't so great. But look at how cool it is. It took me two days to make the little three inch figures and pose them just right.

Cheese Face out.

Side Effects Include Nausea, Heartburn, Indegestion, Upset Stomach, and Diarrhea

Have you ever noticed the sheer amount of lawsuits over medicines that are supposed to help you but instead, I dunno, KILL YOU? If FDA stands for Food and Drug Administration, then my friend they are lacking in the drug part. I just saw a commercial that said, "Call this number if you or a loved one has taken this medicine and has been diagnosed with these diseases or have had death." OK, first, you can't call if you are DEAD, so that statement is kinda redundant. But you can call if a loved one has died. So....not so redundant. Heh.

I've seen 15 different commercials like these and it makes me wonder why the FDA isn't doing anything to make sure people don't unexpectedly die from medicines that are supposed to help them. What are they doing up there, anyways? Playing online Poker and having tea with their FDA pals?

At one time there was this acne medication whose side effects were dry skin; feeling of warmth; irritation; itching; peeling; redness; scaling; temporary burning and stinging. I want clear skin, but I am not risking the medicine to peel my skin off. What kind of side effects are those? What happened to headaches, nausea, vomiting, and dizziness upon standing in simple medicines? GOD!

Making medicine requires using chemistry, right? Because this is an epic fail if 15 different law offices are offering consultation because of medicine. YOU FAIL CHEMISTRY FOREVER FDA!

Cheese Face out.

3 Posts in One Day?! It Must Be MAGIC!

Just now, yes NOW, my mom's friends Jessie and Anthony and their 3 kids came over. I showed the littles Burt the Farting Hippo, whom the littlest one took and immediate liking to.  THEN Anthony showed us magic tricks, because HE'S A FREAKING MAGICIAN. Like really, he's a magician. He showed us card tricks, the fuzzy red balls, the one trick where you pull a ring off of a string, and the handkerchief trick. The trick that stands out the most to me is when he took the five of clubs, drew a magnet on the back of it, shuffled it in the deck a coupla times and BOOM seven of diamonds, with the magnet on the back. And I know what you skeptics out there are saying: He drew the magnet on before hand. FALSE! I'm the one who pick the seven of diamonds, and there was NO magnet on the back.

Now being the kind of person I am, I was both amazed and confused. I like everything to have an explanation. With magic there is no explanation. Which is why I was confused. I was like, "This goes against everything I was taught. There has to be an explanation." What I was thinking was, Newton explain this to me because I don't understand why you're torturing me with unexplanabilities!! My brother has one explanation: Chuck Norris. My theory: Things just happen; what the hell. Heh, heh. Hogfather humor.

It was a fun day.

Cheese Face out.

Claymation Attack

I'm making a claymation movie using modeling clay I got from Santy Claus. It'll take a few days but when it's done I'll try to post it here.

Cheese Face out.

The Cheesey Awards Special: Behind the Scenes

After going on for over a year, I think it's time I tell how the Cheesey Awards happen. The five parts to the Cheeseys are 1). nomination, 2). polling, 3). results,  4). commercials, and 5). Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt. So, let the explanation BEGIN.

So, after I've decided the date of the awards, usually 3-4 weeks after posting polls, I have to decide what the categories and the nominees are gonna be. I already know that one of the categories is going to be Best Blog, because the Internet is full of blogs, but to be Best Blog, now that's something said author should be proud about. Other categories include Best Band, Most Random thing to Say when Talking With Your Grandmother, Best Movie, that kind of stuff.

Then after staring at the design main page for 30 minutes while figuring out the nominees/categories, I can make the polls. Sometimes I allow multiple answers, sometimes not. Few days later, if no one has voted, I'll vote ONCE just to jump start the voting.

Then the day of the awards arrive, and that leaves me with figuring out clever ways to introduce the categories and nominees. And not to mention finding a funny intro, such as my infamous 'cheddar than ever' gag.

Ah, the Rip-off Commercials. Making fun of everything from Snuggies to UGGs, Fushigis to phones, computers to every popular thing you can think of. Of course, we didn't always make fun of things (drink coca-cola; live life).Yes, endorsing Coke is what we began with. Did you know Coke started out as a medicine with cocaine in it? My, how times have changed... But the commercials are one of my favorite things about the Cheesey Awards. How do I come up with a spoof of a popular object? It's quite easy actually. 1). Think of thing to spoof. 2). Think of all of the good things. 3) Use those things against it. Like the ABC Robot is s'possed to be the HTC Droid. Droid has many cool apps. The Robot has cool apps that malfunction every time you try to launch it. The Droid doesn't do that.  In a world that doesn't, Droid does.

And finally Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt, which didn't suck on the most recent Cheeseys. This area is completely out of my expertise so to explain the stunts is the Mighte* himself Mr. Cheese.
Mr. Cheese speaking: The stunts are what give the awards its pizazz. Most awards show don't have stunts, the Oscars for example. I don't know why people watch go insane to see them. There's no excitement for the people playing at home. But the stunts, get everybody excited to see or rather read what stupid thing we'll do.

Well, there you have it. A complete explanation of one of the greatest things about The Cheese Face Page.

Cheese Face out.

*As most readers don't know, Mr. Cheese is not human, but a Mighte about 3/4 of in inch tall. I won him at a local college's open house. He's the guy behind the suck of the stunt.

Bragging Rights

Hey, it's Cheese Face on Christmas Day. I'm blogging from a shiny new Acer laptop  netbook. You feel the jealousy? YA FEEL IT?!?! But this isn't the only awespic gift I got. My parents also gave me a Burt the Farting Hippo just like the one Abby Sciuto has. And speaking of NCIS, Santa-man gifted to me a shirt that says 'I (heart) Abby' on it. And my many aunts took it upon themselves to get me even more clothes, but they're actually shirts I'll wear! That's always good, you can never have too many clothes. And the other things this Santa person got me were books, Good Eats season 1 and 2, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on DVD, Eclipse on DVD, AND stocking goodies.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Blessed Kwanzaa, and a happy new year.

Cheese Face out.

Holy Crap! It's Christmas!

Yeah, I can't believe it. It's like yesterday it was Thanksgiving, it can't be Christmas. I love Christmas, but I hate it too.

For one, I hate Christmas carols. They're so annoying.  Once you've heard seven versions of "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer", with one featuring an accordion (sadly, it wasn't John Linnell, lead singer of They Might Be Giants), you start to hate all Christmas songs.

Also, December 25 may not even be the day of Jesus' birth, according to historians.  For one, if it were December, there's no way that baby could have survived in the cold. And two, historians believe he was born April 25, because of the weather that was occurring around the time of his birth. Heck, they're even calling it 'Mithras'.

December came way too fast. I'm not use to it being THIS fast. It's not even snowing, something unusual for my part of the US of A.

Cheese Face out.

Tuesdays Are SCIENTIFIC

Yes. My brother found this show on YouTube called Scientific Tuesdays, and it's awesome. Hosted by science nerd HouseholdHacker, aka Dylan Hart, this show shows you all sorts of cool science tricks you can use with household items and chemicals to impress family, friends, and maybe your physics/chemistry professor. Like, making paper invisible, making George Washington go "fappity, fap, fap, fap!", and so much more. You don't have to see the first episode to make sense of what's happening, but I should warn you that if you start with season 2 episodes, you'll be interrupted from regular programming because Mr. Hacker needs to advertise some sponsors so he can pay for chemicals, emergency room visits, and his rent, so he says.

Check it out. Just go to www.youtube.com and search Scientific Tuesdays.

Cheese Face out.

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU

Random Questions: Post 19

Hello. This is an automatic voice message machine. The Cheese Face is not here right now, so please leave your name and number after the tone. JUST KIDDING!! I fooled ya didn't I? DIDN'T I?!?! So this is Random Questions with your host, Cheese Face.

Random Question 1: What is the krabby patty secret formula?
Answer: Click picture to make it big-like. Did you click it? YAY YOU WIN!

Random Question 2: What is the prized possesion of the General of the Cheesecakian Militia?
Answer: His first fishing trophy of 19-ought, eleventy-twelbe.

Random question 3: What is your favorite decade of music?
Answer: 80s' music.

Random question 4: Where is my left thumb ring?!
Answer: Who wears thumb rings?

Cheese Face out.

New Year's Eve Festival Festivities

The N.Y.E.F. is 14 days away. So you have until then to vote for the year's best. And not to mention, The Best of the Best for 2000-2010. Vote now!

The Cheesey Awards

Hey-hey party people. Do you know what today is?!?! *23 minutes later* That's right, the Cheesey Awards. And they're "cheddar" than ever. Oh, I just had to say it, so bear with me here.
But they are better. Mr. Cheese, who has been on a sucky streak, has come up with the greatest stunt ever. And not only that, but there are results of the polls. So your 7 minutes won't be a total loss. Hey, look I'm rambling again. Let's get started.

First up is Favorite Blog.
The nominees are:
Impaled by Unicorns
BizarroBlog
Scott's Tip of the Day
Hyperbole and a Half
The Mind of Steve Joe Bob

You voted and the winner winners are Impaled by Unicorns and Hyperbole and a Half! w00t w00t!

Next category is Favorite Movie.
Nominees:
Big Fat Liar
Grown Ups
Shrek the Final Chapter
Toy Story 3

And the winner is... Grown Ups.

Now, we will take a little commercial advertising break.

It's that time of year again, winter. And your house is so cold that even penguins are packing up and moving to California! What you need is the new Blanket Robe. The Blanket Robe is made of a sheer, thin material of some sort and does a terrible time keeping you nice and cozy. The Blanket Robe comes in a variety of colors including dull gray, hippie lavender, Emo black, and maroon. Call now!

Introducing the greatest smart phone ever: the ABC Robot. Take low definition pictures and video, with its scratched camera lens. Use it to locate cars that are the same model of yours within a 100 mile radius. And not to mention its extremely low call quality, poor Internet access and loads of other terrible apps. Get it at The OK Buy, Radio House, and Horizon.

That's a phone everyone needs!

The next pigeonhole is Favorite Band.
Your nominees are:
They Might Be Giants
Metallica
The Beatles
Other
And the winner is... Metallica!

The results for Favorite TV Show is next.
Nominees:
 Victorious
iCarly
Pawn Stars
Mythbusters
The winner is Pawn Stars! Woohoo. Yeah.

And now for Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt.

(Mr. Cheese speaking):
Good evening Cheesecakia and surrounding vicinities. Today we have a special treat for you. We will shoot this ordinary, incredible, edible egg into space--wait for it-- from a GIANT SLINGSHOT. Yes, so many questions asked: Will the vacuum of space turn the egg inside-out? Will the pressure from leaving Earth's atmosphere cause it to 'splode?  Will Clay Anderson see this egg? Let's find out. 3...2...1... SSSSSSSPPPPPPPPHHHHOOOOOOOOO! The Egg Tracker we installed on it says it has just exited the Ionosphere into deep space. So, to retrieve the egg so we can see what happened to it, let's use the ABC Robot and it's rocket feature. *boop* SPLODE!!!!!!! So maybe the Robot isn't so good. In a world that doesn't, Robot sure don't do nothin'.  Back to you, Cheese Face.

Well, that wasn't as planned. Now we'll never know whether or not astronaut Clay Anderson saw the egg SSSSSSSPPPPPPPPHHHHOOOOOOOOO.

The last category is Favorite Sport.
And the nominees are
Archery
Baseball/Softball
Basketball
Tennis
Dance
Golf
And the winner is...................... Archery! Archery, archery, in your face other sports! Yeah, go archery. You can be used in I dunno, sniper attacks.

And now the Honorary Nominees.

Micah F.-- FFF
Emma-- FFF and winner of Favorite Blog
Allie Brosh (Hyperbole and a Half)-- Winner of Favorite Blog
Sidney G.--FFF
Rebecca F.-- FFF
Senora Fudgehead--FFF

20 Things: That are Oxymorons

Oxymoron-- a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, self-contradictory effect. We use oxymorons everyday and sometimes not realize it. Here are some oxymorons. See if you can figure out why they are.

1. Act naturally
2. Found missing
3. Airline food
4. Synthetic natural gas
5. Alone together
6. Legally drunk
7. Sweet sorrow
8. Definite maybe
9. "Now, then..,"
10. Silent scream
11. Same difference
12. Terribly pleased
13. Tight slacks
14. Plastic glasses
15. Sanitary landfill
16. Taped live
17. Rap music
18. Childproof
19. New classic
And my personal favorite, 20. Microsoft "Works".

Cheese Face out.

Santa Promotes Slavery

Do I believe this? Yeah, maybe a little. It this true? Yeah, probably. Did I come up with this theory? No, my mom and brother did. So, Santa promotes slavery. Yeah...

Has anyone not figured this out yet? How much do the elves get paid? My guess, probably not enough. Look at all the things they do for this Mr. Santa Claus-Man: They build the toys, clean up after the reindeer, get attacked by little kids in the mall, do his laundering, the whole she-bang. And what do they get in return? One day off and some cookies and milk. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, Santa, I thought I knew you better. They probably work 8-12 hour days everyday and kick it into hyperdrive in December. So maybe bump it up to 16 hours. Then 10 days before Christmas Eve they work all night, because, c'mon, there's 6,887,000,000(and counting!) people in the world and toys need finishing.

And does Mrs. Claus know about this? Because if she does, why hasn't she stopped Santa-Man? And if she doesn't, why is she just baking cookies all day? Is that all she does is bake cookies? Does Santa eat real food like steak, clam chowder, pizza and the likes, or does he live on cookies? Or because he's magic, does he not eat at all? These questions need answers people!!

Now some readers might think that I hate Christmas because of yesterday's post and after reading this one. But I don't. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, and no, not because I get fancy stuff. I like it because everyone puts their lights up and makes the city all pretty, especially downtown. In fact, I applaud the hard-working elves and adults(well, not all presents are from Santa) that make Christmas happen. But Santa promoting slavery, I mean really. What did you think goes on up north?

Begone with you now.

Cheese Face out.

Santa's Helper=Worst Job in the World

A thought just occurred to me: Being a mall Santa has got to be one of the worst jobs ever. Just think about it. You get to sit there for 5-7 hours listening to little kids tell you their every want. If I had to do that, I think I'd get so annoyed that somebody just might explode, and by somebody, I mean probably me.

Not to mention, your face is probably paralyzed from smiling for pictures, so your stuck with a grin on your face. Just think what might happen if a little kid tells you their goldfish died and they want a new one. Sad kid+Perma-grinning Santa=awkward situation. And that's putting it bluntly.

Another thing you'd have to deal with is the bratty kid who wants everything in the known universe. And I mean everything-- iPad, a planet, their very own ball of flaming hydrogen, aka a star, the whole she-bang.

And then there's the kid who attacks the elves. *shudder, shudder*. Or the kid who ate too much and decides to "redecorate" your suit.Yeah, isn't that pleasant.

But I guess there's a good side to being a Santa helper. I mean little kids everywhere adore you. And one time at the mall when I went to get my nails done, Santa came in for a "men's manicure". Yes, you can laugh. One of the employees were like, "Are you really Santa?" and he's like, "I dunno. That's what my license says," and shows her his drivers' license. That is what I call a Pwn.

But still, it's a bad job. At least in my opinion.

Cheese Face out.

Holy Crap! It's December!

That's right. The wintry month. Or if your south of the equator the summery month. This means it's been three months from the last Cheesey Awards. The next one is on December 15. Vote. Please. It'll just get awesome-er with every vote. Pweeasse. It's for the children.

Also the New Year's Eve Festival is coming back, this time with more time to vote for greatest things of 2010. And since it's the end of the decade, greatest things 2000-2010. Yeah!

Cheese Face out.

Why I Am Smarter Than Most Kids in My Class

I did say most. So not everyone is as "non-intellectual" as most others. Like my friends and other awesome people I know. They're like, super smart and stuff with advanced classes and just awesome like that. But a few weeks ago the school took the National Geographic Geography Bee Pre-test. I scored good, good meaning I was good enough to make others want to cheat off of me. And then yesterday the top 20 kids out of the 700 that occupy the building competed in the preliminary round and I was one. After all seven rounds were done, Mister E compared scores from the ten kids he had with the scores the other teacher had and I was good enough to move on to the final round with 9 others. I think the top 2 from that go to state and the winner from that goes to national and it's like a big deal just to win the school level. But last year I was in school level and came in fourth place. And all participants get a certificate of participation and a $10 gift card to Target. Yeah... it's so nice to be smart.

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions Special Edition 1

Today we will inteview someone so important to the world that it might implode, my neighbor, Bob. Just kidding, it's my near and dear fried frayed friend, the one, the only, SENORA FUDGEHEAD!!!!!!!

(And yes, these are the fantastic Fudgehead's answers.)

Random Question 1: What is your favorite color?

Answer: Purple.

Random Question 2: What is the best vacation you've ever been on?

Answer:When I went to Oklahoma in '08. I went to a mall 3 or 4 times bigger than the one here and had a huge waterpark.

Random Question 3: What is your favorite Italian restaurant?
Answer: I love the pizza at Grisanti's.

Random Questions 4: If you were stuck on a desert island and could only say one sentence or else you'd be dipped in boiling oil what would you say?
Answer: I would convince the natives that I am a god and that if they kill me , my father would bestow thousands of years of torture upon their tribe and would bring great bounty to their enemy's.

See, some of my friends are normal.

Cheese Face out

Fancy Soda

I have purchased fancy Japanese soda called Ramune (pronounced RA-mune-ay). Oh, my God, it's insanely good. I got the strawberry flavor. How did I come across this extremely awesome find, you ask? It all started at school. One of my friends, who love all things made in Japan, brought her fancy soda to school to share with us. So we each went and got small paper cups from the ice cream machine in the lunch line and poured some of the carbonated liquids into our cups. Where can you find Ramune? At your local Rocket Fizz.

Cheese Face out.

20 Things: You Didn't Know Were Illegal

Who would want to break the law? I mean, is stealing that new XBox Kinect really worth prison time? NO! So here are 20 laws that you never new existed. I dare you to break one and see what happens.

1.In Alabama, it is illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.
2.In Arizona, it is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
3.In California it is a misdemeanor to shoot any kind of game from a moving vehicle unless the target is a whale. (So if you were idling in your fancy pickup, feel free to shoot.)
4.In Rehoboth, Connecticut it is illegal to whisper in church.
5.In Florida it is illegal to put livestock on a school bus.
6.In Hawaii, twins may not work for the same company.
7. It's against the law to gargle in public in Louisiana.
8.You can't wear a goatee without a special permit in Massachusetts
9.In Whitehall, Montana it is illegal to operate a vehicle with icepicks attached to the wheels.
10.In Las Vegas, Nevada, one can't pawn one's dentures.
11.In North Dakota, one can't fall asleep with your shoes on.
12.In Ohio, it is illegal to fish for whales on a Sunday. (There are whales there?!?)
13.In Newport, Rhode Island, it is illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset.
14.It's illegal to fall asleep in a cheese factory in South Dakota.
15.Birds have the right of way on highways in Utah.
16.In Victoria, Virginia, it is illegal to skate down Main Street.
17.In Washington, all lollipops are banned. (Oooh that sucks on Halloweenies.)
18.In West Virginia, roadkill can't be taken home for dinner.
19.It's illegal to cut a woman's hair in Wisconsin.
20. It's illegal to wear a hat in a theater or public place or amusement that blocks another person's view in Wyoming.

What?

Cheese Face out.

Parry Gripp Madness! !=0!

Yes, I just made up the !=0! emoticon. It shall mean AWESPIC. Yes, don't you contradict me or I'll kill you. =) But, I have just now self-diagnosed myself with Parry Gripp Madness. Its symptoms include, but is not limited to: random singing-check, bursting into dance-check, quoting songs-check, having an insane adoration for small, furry animals-check, Googling yourself-big check. Just go to parrygripp.com. Or better yet click the linky in Awesome Webby-Sites.

Cheese Face out.

LOOK IT!!

Look it what I made over a period of 3 days:

Isn't awesome? And I'm usually not that good at drawing.

Go to youtube and look up Roy G. Biv They Might Be Giants to compare.

Cheese Face out.

20 Things: To Say to Annoy the Pizza Guy

Welcome! This is 20 Things. The Pizza Guy is one of the most loved and hated people of America Cheesecakia.

Loved Example: "Oh, JOY! He's here!!"
Hated Example: "THIS SHOULD OF BEEN HERE IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS!"

Thus proving my point. Here are 20 things you can do to annoy the crap out of the dude/dudette who takes your call.

1. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
2. Answer their questions with questions.
3. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
4. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred".
5. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
6. Rent a pizza.
7. Stutter on the letter 'p'.
8. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther away from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back in place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
10. Tell them to double-check that the pizza is, in fact, dead.
11. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
12. Play a sitar in the background.
13. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
14. Use CB lingo where applicable.
15. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
16. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting".
17. Learn to correctly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
18. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where available.
19.Put them on hold.
20. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit, can't-hack-it, pimple-faced gofer.

Try it and see what happens.

Cheese Face out.

Chatting With the TSA: Installment 1

I have emailed the TSA because there are so many questions in my head. Here's what I wrote: Hi! I was wondering why we can bring 4 3-ounce containers, but not 1 12-ounce containers onto an airplane. One of my friends says that it is stupid math. Also, are you allowed to bring an *empty* 12-ounce container onto a plane. Say, like, an environmental-activist is boarding the plane and he/she has a plastic bottle that they keep for good luck because it's one less plastic bottle in a landfill. Suspicious story, yes, but just thought I'd ask because it could happen.

Sincerely,
The Outside-the-box thinker

And here's what they said: "Thank you for your email message. Liquids and gels may be brought through the checkpoint in any container, providing that the container is 3.4 ounces or smaller in volume. This container should be placed in a one quart, transparent, plastic bag along with any other liquids, gels or aerosols the passenger wishes to bring through the checkpoint. The passenger should note, however, that Transportation Security Officers have discretion to not permit any items through the checkpoint which they judge to be a possible threat to aviation safety. -TSA Contact Center." Well that sort of answered my question. I'll write them again and post the response here.

Cheese Face out.

20 Things: You'll Never Need to Know

This is 20 Things, a new segment on The Cheese Face Page. This week, 20 facts you'll probably never need unless trying to impress family.

1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
2. The citrus soda, 7-Up, was created in 1929; '7' was selected for the original 7-ounce containers and 'up' for the direction of the bubbles.
3.Barbies full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
4. 101 Dalmations, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, and Mulan are the only Disney films where both parents are present and don't die throughout the movie.
5.The word "samba" means "to rub navels together".
6. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
7. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
8. A 'jiffy' is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
9. Reindeers like to eat bananas.
10. In 1912, a law passed in Nebraska where drivers in the country at night were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, wait eight minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all while blowing their horns and shooting off flares.
11. Most collect calls are made on Father's Day.
12. An 18th century German named Matthew Birchinger played 4 musical instruments, including bagpipes, was an expert calligrapher, and was the most famous magician in his day, performing tricks with the cup and ball that have never been explained. Yet Birchinger has no arms, legs, thighs, and was less that 29 inches tall.
13. It's illegal to hunt camels in Arizona.
14. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
15.In 1778, fashionable women in Paris never went out in blustery weather without a lightning rod strapped to their hats.
16. The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 ft.
17. A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same forward and backward: Ex: "Red rum, sir, is murder"; "Ma is as selfless as I am"; "A man, a plan, a canal- Panama", "Nurse, I spy gypsies. Run!", and "He lived as a devil, eh?"
18. Tom Sawyer was the first book written on a typewriter.
19. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111=12, 345, 678, 987,654,321
20. Statues in parks: If the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one leg in the air, the person died from wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

This has been 20 Things. Now, go impress your Great-aunt Agatha.

Cheese Face out.

HAPPY HALLOWEENIES!

Yes! Uh-huh! Whoo! Shoosh yeah! Halloweenies has arrived! Finally! I've been waiting for 30 days. And now for the Happy Halloweenies Song:

Happy Halloweenies!
Halloweenies cake!
Happy Halloweenies!
Pin the tail on the seahorse!
Happy Halloweenies!
HAPPY HALLOWEENIES!

Wasn't that fun? And today is my grandma's birthday. Yay.

Happy Birthday, Grandma!
Happy Birthday cake!
Happy Birthday, Grandma!
Pin the tail on the donkey!
Happy Birthday, Grandma!

I can't wait to eat 15% of my candy income tonight!

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions: Post 18

HEY YOU?! "Who me?" YES YOU! "Okay." ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF RANDOM QUESTIONS? No?!? Well, get ready because it's Random Questions time, with your host, Cheese Face.

Random Question 1: If you were an advice column, what would you be called?
Answer: The Run-of-the-Mill Advice Column.

Random Question 2: How far away is the sun?
Answer: It's 93 million miles away.... AND THAT'S WHY IT LOOKS SO SMALL!!!!

Random Question 3: What is the name of the summer camp where Trunko goes?
Answer: Camp Chaggogauggocomputerteriyakisuzukihondaciviclandville.

Random Question 4: What is a diphthong?
Answer: I already explained that.

Humming Winter in Fall

Yes, it is hopelessly stuck in my head. Antonio Vivaldi's The Four Seasons movement, Winter, is stuck in my head. And it's fall. Irony, it's horribly ironic. I'd post a TooYube video of it on here, but I don't know how. So do the world a favor and become one with Google. Many things, that Google is...

But seriously folks, I wanted to ask you to post your greatest Halloweenies costume ever. One thing I've noticed is it's easy to find costumes for little ones and adults, but not for nerdy teens who want to rot their teeth out with that sticky sugar stuff. Creativity ensues, for I am going as a nerd. And I will most definitely reel in the most candy of all of my siblings, because they all have to either use other stuff to make their costumes (time-waster!) or they have a store-bought costume that everyone goes for. Last year, I went as Abby Sciuto from NCIS, and it was totally EPIC. The year before that, some sort of vampire/fairytale being hybrid. And the year before that, a vampire/feline hybrid being. One year, my parents dressed me up as Wednesday Addams. I don't even remember that. Yeah... so I'm happy I have stopped combining vampires with non-vampire stuff. Hurray for individuality! Now to cut to the chase, anyone who happens upon this blog is to please tell me about their greatest costume ever, and it wouldn't hurt if you added a little anecdote.

Cheese Face out.... possibly

Zzzzzzooooo

I go to zoo today. It in Big O in Cheesecakia. Why I talk like this? I don't know, cuz it's fun. But yeah the zoo. And it's not a stupid zoo like the one here. There's like 5 animals there: 3 ponies and 2 camels. Yeah, the one here sucks. But the one in Big O doesn't suck. It has the world's largest indoor desert, which is also the world's largest glazed geodesic dome; the world's largest nocturnal exhibit, and the world's largest indoor rainforest. Isn't that fun?

Cheese Face out.

Testing 1... 2... 3...

Howdy-do! Today was the 6 day of testing at my school. The Iowa Test of Basic Skills. I live in Cheesecakia. Why do I need to take a test from Boring-as-Heck Iowa? The good news is no homework! The bad news is, afterwards I'm bored. So... to compensate the boredom I draw posters with witty sayings like, Shoosh yeah, True chiz, Earth: It's a planet, and Fail and Pwnd.

I plan on making copies of these posters and selling them for 75 cents each. Childrens love witty catchphrases.

Cheese Face out.

Copyright 2010

I was randomly Googling this fine blog yesterday, out of sheer boredom, and I came across this website called Protect Our Kids. They stole my Silly Band thing. So I sent them an e-mail saying they should cite their source and I haven't heard back. Granted it's only been a day, but 99% of the people I know get back to me within a day, maybe 36 hours. I am so prepared to fight!

Stupid copyright infringers.

Cheese Face out.

Halloweenies is Almost Upon Us

That's right. Only 3 more weeks until the event known as Halloweenies. I has super-osome costume planned. I is going as a nerd. Yep. Why? Because nerds are awesome. And one day, all the prancies will be working for us. And speaking of nerds, Bill Gates, founder of Windows and Microsoft, was teased when he was in school and look at him now! He's like the richest man alive. But for me, it's not about money; it's about being able to confuse my enemies. But I still like money. *money*

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions: Post 17

I am sitting at my grandparents house blogging because there is nothing else to do. Normally, I could spend hours on the computer doing mindless things, like playing games, but not today. Anways, this is Random Questions with your host, Cheese Face.

Random question 1:On a scale of 1 to 10, how bored are you?
Answer: 9.

Random question 2: If you were trapped on a island and could only say one sentence or else you'd get fried in oil, what would you say?
Answer: "Where is Chuck Norris?"

Random question 3: How are laptops better than desktops?
Answer: PORTABLE COMPUTATION, BABY!

Random question 4: What are the "official names" of #, &, *?
Answer: octothorpe (#); ampersand (&); and asterisk (*).

Cheese Face out.

"Even Prisoners Can Eat Cookies!"

That was a quote from today. I was late to Vase's class again because of my siblings. And so she and the VP sent me to lunch detention. Horrible, that place is.

For lunch detention, you either go to the band hallway or the Quiet Room. The band hallway, I'm pretty sure, is a place where you and the other delinquents can share why you got lunch detention, but the Quiet Room is aptly named. The rules are this:

1. No talking
2. Work independently
3. No gum, food or candy (except food for lunch detention, only no snacks, unless you have cold lunch)
4. Stay in your seat
5. No sleeping

Gosh dang it to heck, they treat us worse than prisoners. I'm serious, prisoners can eat cookies and chew gum and can talk to their prison friends and sleep. What the chiz?!

And I tried to see what time it was and to do that I had to turn around to the back of the room and the teacher yelled at me. WTC?!

So that was my day.

On the plus side, I got super awesome Converse shoes/boots and I went all out Goth and sweetness. Only the jerks asked me if my choker was a dog collar and so I said, "No, it's a choker, smart one." I should have said, "No, it's a wall of psychic energy keeping me from killing the world," but the school is teaching suicide prevention and I don't want to deal with the crap that comes from being smarter than the prissies.

The Silly Band War

My school has started banning those ridiculous Silly Bands! Yea and nay! On the yea side, we don't have to spend 30 minutes trying to figure out what one of the shapes is. On the nay side, almost EVERYONE wears Silly Bands. So tough kumquats, Administration. Here's what the bulletin said:

"Due to the shooting of rubber bands and silly bands and other student misuse of these items, rubber bands and silly bands are no longer allowed at school. These items will be taken from students if they are brought to school. Students caught in possession of silly bands and/or rubber bands at school will be subject to discipline from the administration."

Yeah, well they didn't count on one thing: OPERATION: STICK IT TO THE MAN! Oh, SHOOSH YEAH! My sister got a whole bunch of Silly Bands and so I am hoping to get everyone still wearing them because there's no way the school can detain EVERYONE. Well, there was the epic lunch detention with Sharpie last year, but that was like 30 kids. I'm talking about 400 kids. Yeah. And if by a miracle of Tim Burton himself everyone can not shoot those stupid things, we can go back looking like idiots when we figure out that it is a butterfly after 30 minutes of straining our brain. OR we could find creative ways to wear them without getting in trouble. Like one day, my hair thingy fell out and one of my friends gave me one of her Silly Bands to keep my hair from going POOF. Yeah, chiz like that.

I bet I know who did this. Mr. E. Cuz he hates anything fun or interesting. And cuz ONE STUDENT was throwing one around the gym. "One is one too many." I don't know who came up with that saying but according to math 1=1. Not 1<1>1. 1=1. Also, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. That's what I gots to say about that stupid embargo on Silly Bands.

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions: Post 16

Good afternoon. It is Saturday, October 2, 2010. This is Random Questions with your host, Cheese Face.

Random question 1: Why did you decide to call it the Cheesey Awards.
Answer: Actually, I had the idea in my head for some time, but I wasn't quite sure how it would work out. I finally posted the first ever Cheeseys and decided to poll the readers instead of hand-picking them. That way, they really are like those Academy Awards.

Random question 2: When is the next super special event?
Answer: Sabes que, I don't know.

Random question 3: What is your favorite band?
Answer: It's between the Beatles and They Might Be Giants.

Random question 4: Will Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt be improved or will it continue to get suckish?
Answer: Currently, Mr. Cheese is reviewing the first two Cheeseys and studing them so he can make something like that without actually repeating the stunt.

Cheese Face out.

Stats

I just found out that Blogger has added a "Stats" bar in the dashboard and the tabs you see when posting. HOLY CRAP, I HAD NO IDEA! I've been looking at my stats and saw my audience. I'll give you the numbers:

United States: 310

United Kingdom: 19

Russia: 19

Canada: 13 ( You Canadians, tell me if those laws are true and I'll send you a special surprise... ;])

China: 7 (CHINA?! REALLY?!)

Taiwan: 4

Bulgaria: 3 (I didn't even know they had Internet)

Germany: 2

Denmark: 2

Latvia: 2

Well. That's a surprise. My dad said they happened upon my blog by "accident". Nertz to you, Dad. These foreign friends happen to know good, comedic, writing? But one has to wonder, "What are Emma's stats?" 'Cuz Emma is one of my FFFs, and possibly a better blogger than me. And has at least 30 new followers. Those numbers might shock me...

Cheese Face out.

SOMETHING TO DO: I'M LOOKING FOR THE BEST FAMILY-FRIENDLY CHUCK NORRIS JOKES. POST A COMMENT. THE BEST. I'LL POST THE WINNER HERE!

The Cheesey Awards

Yo-yo ma and welcome to the first anniversary Cheesey Award! It was one year ago I awkwardly came up with something that would affect the rest of this blog forEVER. So let's get started.

Favorite TV Show results:
Nominees:
Victorious
Spongebob
Penguins of Madagascar
Invader ZIM
Mythbusters

And the winner is... actually the winners are Penguins of Madagascar, Invader ZIM, and Mythbusters! *Plays awards ceremony music*

The next category is Favorite Commercial.
The Nominees:
RED ONE!
'Cuz I'm a Pothole
Paste for Sock
The Pythagorist... Before That, uh, Theorem

The winner is Cuz I'm a Pothole and The Pythagorist and that other stuff I said. THEOREM!

And now a commercial break.

Hey you! Yes you! Are you tired of playing with wet sand! No? Well you should be! Because we've got something better! Introducing Water SiO2! That's right! Silicon dioxide that never gets wet! You can call 1-888-WTRSIO2 and order yours for only 1999.99!

What do you do after school? Eat? Do chores? Rot your brain? Well if you want to have a life after elementary school stop doing those things! Get out and play an hour a day! Mr. Cheese: I pity the moron.

Well, that was entertaining wasn't it?

Next category is Favorite Song.
Nominees:
Eleanor Rigby
Particle Man
Roy G. Biv
Last Train to Awesometown

And the winner is... Particle Man! "Particle Man, Particle Man, doing the things a particle can..."

The pigeonhole up next is Most Random Thing to Say When Talking to Your Grandmother
Nominees:
CHEETOES?!?!
Oh, well that happened...
RYAN SEACREST!!
OH MY GOD, MY SPLEEN!!

aND ThE wiNNeRs aRe Oh, well that happened..., RYAN SEACREST!!, and OH MY GOD, MY SPLEEN!

Now, a word from our sponsors.

Introducing P-Macs! Love PCs but hate the problems? Want to learn about different different computer systems? Well stress no more! You get the recognizable features of a PC and the no-hassle virus protection of a Mac! P-Mac. Get it at The OK Buy, Radio House, and Wally-Market.

Oh, yes. That sounds awesome. FULL CIRCLE!

Up next is Favorite Sport.
Nominees:
Cricket
Golf
Baseball/Softballs
Curling
Tennis
Archery

You voted, so Mr. Nemetz won't hate you, maybe, but the winner is Archery! Yes! My school's team has been #1 for like ever.

Favorite KCA Host.
Nominees:
Jack Black
Kevin James
Dwayne Johnson
Ben Stiller

And the winner will be announced after a soapbox speech written by the always cute, rarely wet, and promptly prompt MR. NEMETZ!

Mr. Nemetz speaking:

The Gulf coast. That is where that horrible, sticky black stuff, oil as you may call it, is at. We need to get our act together. 'Kay? Cuz I used to live there before I lived at the MoA. Yeah, so clean it up. Get it sealed, 'kay Mr. EPA Executive. skdjvnhajvhnasdlfkjvsdk.vj nalkjdhga!

And the winner of Favorite KCA Host is James Black and Kevin Jack. No! Jack Black and Kevin James! Yeah!

Favorite Movie results are in.
Nominees:
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

And the winner is Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Up next is Favorite Female singer.
Nominees:
Ke$ha
Taylor Swift
Miley Cyrus
Charlotte Martin

The winner is Charlotte Martin!

Favorite Male Singer
Nominees:
Justin Bieber
Micheal Jackson
Adam Lambert

And the winner of Favorite Male Singer is Micheal Jackson. If he weren't dead, he'd be really excited.

And now for Mr. Cheese's FANTASTICAL STUNT!!!

Well, here in Cheesecakian Studios we have the greatest thing planned. We're gonna go back in time. Really! Nope, we're not. But we did get you excited didn't we. Instead we will make the world's largest bubble! Yeah, not really. I, uh, I don't know... um... back to you Cheese Face.

Mr. Cheese you have sucked for the last time. It's the first anniversary of the Cheeseys and you had to make it suck. No worries, it's always fun watching someone mess up. :0/

Our penultimate category is Favorite Band.
Nominees:
The Beatles
Metallica
They Might Be Giants
Linkin Park

And the penultimate winner of the penultimate category is THE BEATLES! woo-hoo!

And last but not least Favorite Blog
Nominees:
Impaled By Unicorns
BizarroBlog
The Mind of Steve Joe Bob
Your Friendly Neighborhood Goth

and the winner is IMPALED BY UNICORNS! DAH-DA-DA- DAH DA-DA DA-DA DA DAH DA-DA! FRIENDLY MUSIC!

And now for the Honorary Winners.

Emma-- Favorite Blog, FFF, Fellow Cellist

Micah F.-- FFF

Sidney G.-- FFF

Jessie M.-- FFF

Shae S.-- FFF

Rebecca F.-- FFF

Senora Fudgehead-- FFF

All de Nominees-- for participating in the Cheeseys.

Thank you and good NIGHT.

Cheese Face out.

Cheesey Update

Wazzup. The Cheeseys are this Wednesday. Just vote. Please. Or Mr. Nemetz will be sad and hate the world. He'll cry. Maybe not cry, but he'll send a letter to fellow blogger Scott Solomon. PPPPPPPWWWWWEEEEEEEEAAAAAAZZZZZZZ?

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions: Post 15

Buenos dias, and welcome to Random Questions.


Random question 1: What would be the atomic weight of lead if it were on the moon?
Answer: 34.533333...

Random question 2: A train enters a tunnel at7 o'clock. Another train enters the exact same tunnel also at 7 o'clock, on the same day. The tunnel has only one track, no passing places, and no other means for the trains to pass around, under, or over. However, both trains make it to the other end of the tunnel, untouched. How did they do it?
Answer: One train went in at 7 am, the other at 7 pm.

Random question 3: What is time?
Answer: Something too long, and too boring to discuss.

Random question 4: The phrase 'civil war' is an oxymoron. Why?
Answer: Because, if a war was civil, it'd be called a 'debate'.

Cheese Face out.

MY LOVE TOWARDS MANY THINGS

IN HONOR OF CAPS DAY, I WILL POST A REALLY REAL POST IN ALL CAPS.

WELL SINCE I'VE POSTED THE MANY THINGS I HATE, HOW 'BOUT A POST OF THINGS I LOVE.

ITEM 1: MY CELLO. I JUST LOVE TO PLAY THE CELLO. FOR ONE, YOU GET TO SIT DOWN. GRANTED, OLDER MORE EXPERIENCE PEOPLE OF THE ORCHESTRAL AND BAND WORLD SIT, TOO. BUT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, THE TEACHER MADE ANYONE WHO PLAYED THE VIOLIN OR VIOLA, UNLESS YOU HAD AN INJURY, STAND. AND THE CELLO END-PINS WILL MAKE GREAT WEAPONS WHEN THE ORCHESTRA REVOLTS AGAINST THE SINISTER MR. S. NOTICE I SAID WHEN NOT IF. SO THAT MEANS THE ORCHESTRA IS OH, MOST DEFINITELY GOING TO REVOLT. AND NOT ONLY THAT, THE CELLO IS AWESPIC (THANKS, NEOLOGISM ). AND TRUTH BE TOLD, I CHOSE THE CELLO 'CUZ IT WAS THE ONLY INSTRUMENT THAT I COULD PLAY AND NOT HURT THE EARS OF MY PEERS.

ITEM 2: MY FAMILY, MOST OF THE TIME. I LIKE THEM. BUT THEY ANNOY THE HECK OUT OF ME. AND MY SIBLINGS "THE CHIBLETS" CALL ME A FREAK FOR NOT PARTICIPATING IN "FAMILY FUN MOVIE NIGHT" AND MY BROTHER CALLS ME EMO, WHEN I AM CLEARLY NOT. BLACK IS A COOL COLOR, IS IT NOT.

ITEM 3: BLOGGING. BLOGGING IS FUN. I AM A BLOGGER JUNKIE AND I AM PROUD! I LOVE READING THE BLOGS OF MY FRIENDS AND OTHER AWESOME BLOGS, SUCH AS "HYPERBOLE AND A HALF" AND "SCOTT'S TIP OF THE DAY".

ITEM 4: MISTER E'S AND MR. MATH'S CLASSES. MAN, WE HAVE ALL SORTS OF CRAZY TIMES IN THERE. "ALGEBRAIC!"

ITEM 5: READING. I LOVE TO READ. I LOVE IT SO MUCH THAT I WILL GO INTO A RAGING RAMPAGE IF YOU DISTURB ME.

ITEM 6: TVTROPES.ORG. CLICK THE LINK IN THE AWESOME WEBBY SITES.

ITEM 7: THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS. THEY ARE THE GREATEST BAND EVER. THOUGH, THE VIDEO FOR THEIR VERSION  OF "ISTANBUL (NOT CONSTANTINOPLE)" REMINDS ME OF PETER GABRIEL'S "SLEDGEHAMMER" VIDEO.

YEP. PROOF THAT I DON'T HATE THE WORLD ALL DAY, EVERYDAY.

CHEESE FACE OUT.

NATIONAL HOLIDAY, AGAIN~

I DON'T KNOW WHY I PUT THE SQUIGGLY THING THERE, BUT IT WORKS! 'TIS ONCE AGAIN CAPS DAY IN CHEESECAKIA! AND NOW RANDOM TYPING!

THE FISH ARE POWERFUL BEINGS THAT EAT THOSE DECORATIVE GLASS MARBLES! WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF THEY DID THAT, THEY'D DIE! OH, WELL THE WHEASTER BUNNY IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THAT, PIGGEH! OH YEAH WELL EMPHASIS, THAT'S WHAT! WHAT, MAN I DON'T KNOW.

"IT'S A GIANT MUSHROOM! MAYBE IT'S FRIENDLY!! FRIENDLY MUSHROOM! *MUSHY GIANT FRIEND."

CHEESE FACE OUT.

My Hatred Toward Many Things

It's National Hate Day in Cheesecakia. What's "National Hate Day," you ask? IT'S WHEN SASQUATCH AND TOOTH FAIRY GO TO THEIR SUMMER HOME IN PRAGUE AND SPREAD JOY TO ALL THE UNICORN-MAN-BEAR BABIES! Actually, I lied. There is no "hatred holiday". But someone should make a hatred holiday real. Won't that be EPIC! I think it would be.

But anyways, yay Emma! Yous was featured on a notable blog and that itself is AWESPIC! Yes, awespic, a combination of awesome and epic! Yay for neologism.

ANYWAYS! What I was going to talk about my hatred of many things and various people. So let's get started.

ITEM OF HATRED 1: Sports. Specifically sports that involve lots of moving and sweating. Like lacrosse. That's what we're doing in gym. It's soccer (or football to those European readers, maybe) with sticks with nets. It's stupid in my opinion.

ITEM OF HATRED 2: My heath/P.E. teacher, Mr. E. Not to be confused with Mister E, my social studies teacher, Mr. E. is mean. One of the girls in my class hurt her knee playing softball or something and can't participate. So when she gives Mr. E. the doctor's note saying she can't participate, he makes her do one of those action plans that are meant for people who don't change clothes. Really, you crazy, old fudgebag?!

ITEM OF HATRED 3: Mr. S. Mr. S is a crazy old man who I hate. A lot. He is the string and band teacher at my school and most everybody hates him. At the beginning of the year he's all nice and you start to think that he's a really awesome teacher but YOUR DEAD WRONG! Well, I guess if you're one of the lucky ones and he doesn't end up decapitating you with his old cymbals, you'd be right about him being awesome. But I'll always hate him. The crazy, old stubrag.

ITEM OF HATRED 4: Most people. Notice I said most. Meaning those awesome individuals who I associate myself with, aren't hated! I just don't like people.

ITEM OF HATRED 5: Some computers. More specifically, PCs. They crash, get viruses, and get the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH. Macs on the other hand, don't do those things, unless you have the first ever Macintosh. I like macs.

ITEM OF HATRED 6: My science teacher, Mrs. Vase. I was ten seconds late to class today. And she made me stay after for ten minutes. I swear, she loves her gerbil, Flealick, more than teaching. That crazy, old bat.

And now, the first ever performance of The World Is NOT Awesome!

I hate the mountains.
I hate the clear blue skies.
I hate big bridges.
I hate when great whites fly.
I hate the whole world and
all it's sights and sounds.

Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da,
boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da.

I hate the ocean.
I hate real dirty things.
I hate to go fast.
I hate Egyptian kings.
I hate the whole world
and all its craziness

Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da,
boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da.

I hate tornadoes.
I hate arachnids.
I hate hot magma.
I hate the giant squid.
I hate the whole world.
It's not a brilliant place.

Boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da,
boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da.

I'm so bored... so bored... SOOOO BOORED

I am doing absolutely... nothing. I'm tired, bored, and the only relatively entertaining thing on is Adventure Time. But I've seen all of the aired episodes. I know what will make this better! AN UNOFFICIALLY OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL RANDOM QUESTIONS! oh, never mind. Too much work... and thinking... and, uh, effort. So there goes that.

How about those men who might be giants? And Jupiter is Jupiter-ing. OK, this is crap. What we need is a FRIENDLY MUSHROOM! Looks like Sokka's on the cactus juice again.

And now a medley of your favorite public domain songs:

SWING LOW SWEET CHARIOT, COMIN' TO CARRY ME HOME- a-JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I DON'T CARE! a-JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I DON'T CARE! a-JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I DON'T CCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRREE... *i'm so bored*

Cheese Face out.

Oh, my God, I Can't Believe I've Done It!

The Cheeseys are coming in 3 weeks and you have that long to vote! Vote on your favorite ad, movie, band, etc., etc., and may the best category win! Now since this is perhaps one of the BIGGEST EVENTS IN THE WORLD be sure to tell your aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents, friends, friends of parents, cousins, neighborhood teens, teens form other neighborhoods about this historic event! Oh, the times fly when your havin' fun.

Cheese Face out.

*sniff* *sigh* Pollen

I hate the pollen
I think it totally sucks.
Pollen makes me sneeze...

A haiku of my hatred of my allergies. I hate them. Today, I had a sneeze attack that lasted, like, 15 minutes. 15 MINUTES OF SNEEZING MY BRAINS OUT! Who came up with pollen, anyways? WAS IT YOU, JIMMY?! OR YOU, GEORGE?! OR WAS IT... THE RED SQUIRREL?!?! or was it someone more sinister, like Mrs. Vase or Mr. S. or Mother Nature. CURSE YOU EARTH! I mean, I recycle, and use Eco-friendly pesticides on my lawn and I'm all for those gigantic wind farms that are poppin' up in Cheesecakia! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!? Did I accidentally throw away paper instead of putting it in the recycling receptacle? Did I diss corn? Did I take revenge on Wal-Mart? I don't know, man, just help me out.

Cheese Face *sniff sniff* out.

Random Questions: Post 14

Good eve-noon. Welcome to Random Questions. Tonight we will be interviewing A Platypus-Bear.
WHHAAT?! No. It's Random Questions. Oh...

Random question 1: If y=mx+b then what does c equal?
Answer: C does not fit into that formula.

Random question 2: Is it true that "young whippersnappers" always wear baggy jeans?
Answer: For that you'll have to read my new book, Cheese Face: Truly True or Really Real?

Random Question 3: Is Mr. Cheese's Fantastical stunt NOT going to suck this upcoming Cheeseys?
Answer: IDK. IJACF.

Random question 4: Will you please speak Html?
Answer: No.

Cheese Face out.

The Lady who Eats CHILDREN

Today, I was 30 seconds late to my first period science class, which my teacher, Mrs. Vase, did not like. SHE EATS CHILDREN AND SPITS ON PUPPIES! OK, you probably want the deets.

My mom overslept today and I didn't hear my alarm so we were rushing to get to school on time, lest I risk staying after for Mrs. Vase. But, as usual, who is there to skew us off schedule? My sister, Mini Cheese Face. Or as I like to call her, Tiny Tim, cuz, for one, she's not tiny, and two, her name's not Tim. But she was arguing about her clothes with our mom, which took up at least 10 minutes. So when that was all said and done, Howie the Puppy pooped in my sisters' room and that took up 5 minutes of our gettin' out of the house time. So we get to school and I run to my locker as fast as I can, without getting in trouble at least, when the bell rings as soon as I get my locker open.
So I put my stuff inside, grab my notebooks, and run to Mrs. Vase's room, 30 seconds away. So I tell her what happened and she says, "That's not an excuse." Well, no duh! I wasn't making up some ridiculous story. You asked what happened and I told you. So she made me stay after school putting books away in some dusty, old storage room. I'm allergic to dust, and there was dust everywhere, so unless she wants partially sneezed on books...

But at the end I got some Starbursts. That's a plus, right?


Cheese Face out.

I Survived Doomsday School, For Now

Well, the first and second day of school is over and now may legs hurt. Apparently the administrators thought it would be funny if they made all of the somewhat fun sized Cheese Face's classes all over the school. So I have to run up and down stairs several times a day. Last year almost all of my classes were upstairs, and the year before that all of my classes were either outside in a portable or inside on the main floor. So, administrators, the joke was hilarious, *sarcasm, sarcasm*.

But on the bright side, I have already memorized my schedule and the new cellist in my orchestra class makes it three cellists in a year again. And the Impaler's locker is close to mine. So close it almost destroys the Earth. And my friend whom I have known since kindergarten, who I will call Sam 'cuz that's what her initials spell, is in my health and P.E. class! And my favorite part of the day is when I got to quote Gaz.

"Give me the Game Slave, or I will plunge you into a nightmare world from which there is no waking!", except I replaced the first part with " you'd better shut up" oh, the laughs.

Cheese Face out.

I SHALL HAVE MY DOOMSDAY REVENGE!

So, the school system decided to cut our simmering summer heatwave short. On one hand, I'm glad because I'll get to see awesome individuals, and prove that I can come out of my overall-y cocoon. On the other side of the spectrum, I don't get to sleep til 10 every morning and stay up til Black Friday times watching CNN. Why school systemz, why?! Oh, well.

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions: Post 13

Good things happen late at night when school starts in less than 5 days. You know what happens? Random Questions happen. I'm your host, Cheese Face.

Random Question 1: Who is the greatest person in the world?
Answer: The dude who invented the word 'awesome', 'cuz that's like the greatest word ever.

Random Question 2: What time does McDonald's close?
Answer: I thought they were open 24/7.

Random Question 3: What is your favorite comic in the newspaper?
Answer: Bizarro by Dan Piraro.

Random Question 4: What time is it?
Answer: 11:15 PM CsT, which is different that CST.

That's it for Random Questions. Good Night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, but they might.

Cheese Face out.

New Way to Blog

If you absolutely must know, I'm blogging via Wii technology. Fffffwwwwwhhhaaaaattt?! That's right, Wii technology. INERNET ENHANCMENT ACTIVATE! It is much more difficult, but it's a lotta fun. So to keep from--

Wii (get it? WE?) also has Webflix, a division of Netflix, and last night my mom and I watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and it was fantastic!

Cheese Face out.

Bak 2 Skule

Yes, I know I misspelled some words. But that was the point. I am going school shopping today, OH JOY! No sarcasm there; that was complete sincerity. Oh, the new clothes, new binders, new pencils, but most importantly it means that our prison sentence begins in a week. I do love school, but school means Mr. S, and my hatred for him is like a million suns dying in front of me while riding on the back of a tiger through the eye of a hurricane. Not a friendly man, in my opinion.

But I do get to see all the amazing people who I call my Fried Frayed Friends and new teachers who are hopefully, not like Mr. S.

Cheez Fase out.

Random Questions: Post 12

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Another installment of your favorite ongoing segment with your host, Cheese Face.

Random question 1: Where would you find the Aquatics Centre of America?
Answer: Well, Canada and United Kingdom use the reversed 'er' so I'm guessing it's somewhere in Canada or UK unless it's trying to appeal to tourist from there. Or maybe there is no Aquatics Centre of America. Btw, Centre looks like cen-tray, if you get my drift.

Random Question 2: What is the Krabby Patty secret formula?
Answer: I'm not Stephen Hillenburg, I don't know.

Random question 3: Is it true that AT&T is the best 3G network, or something?
Answer: I cannot confirm nor deny that statement.

Random question 4: How old is the world?
Answer: I'm not an astronomer, ask someone else.

Well, join us next week, or not, for Random Questions.

Cheese Face out.

Really, what is CPS Thinking?

Well, school starts in 3 weeks. Weeks. It was June 6th yesterday, how could it be weeks? Nope. Weeks. I like the start of school. I mean, we get new stuff, new clothes, new teachers, but we go back to learning. According to the principal at my school learning is our debt to society but he worded it as "jobs". According to the city people get paid for doing their job even if they don't like it. Why can't we get paid? Just a little something for putting up with the idiots that inhabit the school. Just a suggestion.

On a positive note, I get to visit my grandparents this weekend. Yeah! We'll go swimming at a kiddie pool where the shear size of my younger sister will terrorize the kiddies. And at a real pool or "aquacourt" as they say. Yes, the same pool that the Impaler went to. Coolio museums. And a fountain of colored water where my brother and I will carry on the legacy of my mom's friend who said, "It's only colored water!". We will scream that at the dopes who worship it. Well, I guess it still is a cool fountain.

Cheese Face out.

Happy Birthday, Dear Blog, Happy Birthday to YOU

Yep. Uh-huh. That's right. Today is my blog-o-versary. My blog birthday. My, uh, *insert creative name here*. One year ago today, I was at my grandparents' house and I had done something. Something so fantastic that it has changed the world. I give you: THE LEGEND OF THE CHEESE FACE!

The Ledgend of The Cheese Face

Sup. It's me, The Cheese Face. Now, my face isn't REALLY made of cheese. It's just a nickname I got from my friends. I remember it like it was yesterday.

(Wavy flashback mode)

It was 4th period Math class. My class was learning about proportions or somethin' like that.
We, as a class, were working on this math problem where you were s'possed find out how fast this Olympic speed skater was going. The answer? 10mps (meters per second). so I said "My face can't stand the G's!" But my friend Maddie thought I said cheese and was like "your face is made of CHEESE?!" I tried explaining but she kept calling me Cheese Face.

I gotta go before my sisters kill themselves.

Ah, yes. Good times. Well, yeah, I should go before my sisters kill themselves.

Cheese Face out.

Super Awewsomesauce is Coming TOMORROW

Tomorrow is the birthday of this web page. FFFFWWWHAAAAAT? Exactly one year has gone by? Impossible you say? WELL STOP SAYING STUFFZ. Be here and read with the most joyous of attitudes of Mr. Cheese and Mr. Nemetz will rein down on you like a pack of ravenous-- HEY! NEW SUBJECT!

I just saw another ad for TLA. So many things wrong....

Cheese Face out.

The REAL The Last Airbender

Yes, another post about that flub of a movie. I watched the Last Airbender Revealed thing a few weeks ago and Shyamalan said he's seen the cartoon. YOU WATCHED THE CARTOON?! HOW?! But yesterday, my siblings, my mom, and I took it upon ourselves to make the real movie. Hopefully, we'll be able to edit it all together and post it on YouTube. Yep. Watch for it possibly a month from now. It'll be there. And I did say maybe.

Cheese Face out.

The Last Airbender

I just saw The Last Airbender movie, I'm so mad. I can see why the critics said it was lame.

OK, first, Zuko has a PONYTAIL. Say it with me, M. Night Shyamalan, PONYTAIL. And his scar was barely there! I mean what the chiz?!?

Second, the pronunciation? It's Aang, not Aungh; Iroh, not Eeroh; and SOKKA, not SOAKKA.

Third, Ozai's hair is 3 times longer in the cartoon than the movie. And he has a really long goatee.

Fourth, no Appa! Appa is their main mode of transit, how can you NOT have him in there?!? Momo the lemur is so creepy.

The Komodo rhinos look like a Komodo dragon, not a mix.

Yue, turns into the moon, her spirit kisses Sokka and then disappears in the cartoon. She just floated in the stupid pond in the movie.

WHERE ARE THE KYOSHI WARRIORS?! According to the series Suki comes back as Sokka's girlfriend.

Katara's all crybaby, Sokka has no Sok-casm, and Aang is too serious.

And where is Hei Bai the panda spirit? Is he having tea?

Appa's legs have no meat on them. I've had chicken wings with more meat on them than Appa's legs.

The moon spirit was burned in the series, not stabbed.

Master Pakku was all mad about Katara learning waterbending in the cartoon. No hostility in the movie.

WHERE THE HECK IS KOI-ZILLA?

The Avatar State was pretty wimpy.

I urge you not to see this movie. Your eyes will bleed. Don't see it.

Cheese Face out.

The Cheesey Awards

The Cheesey Awards are back and "cheddar" than ever. Heh, heh, cheese humor. Anyways, you have just tuned in to the finest awards ceremony on this side of the International Date Line. Who said so? Oh, just a little turtle from Mall of America, USA, named MR. NEMETZ! You must listen to him, or you shall pay....

Let's get on with the awards, shall we?

So, here are the nominees for FAVORITE MOVIE:
Avatar
Toy Story 3
Eclipse
The Last Airbender

And the winner is... The Last Airbender! Yay! Take that movie critics who say the movie is "lame".

Up next is Favorite Female Singer.
Nominees:
Lady GaGa
Beyonce
Other

You voted, and the winner is, Other. Go other females who I haven't named due to lack of knowledge of existence or otherwise! You know who you are.

The next category is Favorite Male Singer.
Nominees:
Justin Bieber
Adam Lambert
Parry Gripp
Other

The winner is, Parry Gripp! Yeah, it was a close call, with Adam Lambert with 4 votes.

And now a word from our sponsor.

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Sweet, huh? I wonder if it will mow the lawn?

Anyways, the next category is Favorite Song.

Nominees:

Last Train to Awesometown

Baby
Telephone
This is My Ringtone

And the winner is, Last Train to Awesometown! Yeah! To quote one comment on YouTube, "Best use of auto tune EVER!"

And now the results of Favorite Band.
Nominees:
The Beatles
Metallica
Trout Fishing in America
Black Eyed Peas

And the winner will be revealed right after this!

Mr. Cheese speaking:

Boy, are we in for a treat tonight. Today we are going to rewrite history by defying gravity. Sure we could send Cheese Face into space, but that is longer and cheating. Nope, we are going to put Cheese Face in to a huge Fushigi ball. Like 300 times the size of a regular Fushigi, maybe more. OK, she is stepping into the ball and we shut the door. Don't worry there is plenty of oxygen in there. And now we cut the rope holding it down and she is floating off. Now, because we can't ACTUALLY send Cheese Face into space, the following is CGI animated. What, that's not cheating, that's redefined objectives. We said we were going to rewrite history, we never said it wasn't going to be animated. Well, maybe we can not put this in the record books. Back to you, Cheese Face.

OK, now the results of Favorite Band. You voted and the winners are The Beatles and TFIA! w00t.

And now for the results for Best Blog.
Nominees:
Impaled by Unicorns
The Mind of Steve Joe Bob
BizarroBlog
Joe's Alter Ego

And the winners of Best Blog are... The Mind of Steve Joe Bob and BizarroBlog!

Well, join us three months from now. Congratulations to all the winners.

Cheese Face and Mr. Cheese out.

Everything. On My Mind. In Here. So Yeah.

A few days ago, my mom downloaded this coolio game called Mario Paint Composer. I am addicted to it. I have made 3 of my own songs on it, Dreams, Forest Nights, and Journey. And many other songs that are well known, like the Psych theme, the intro to Coldplay's "Clocks", and Parry Gripp's "I Can't Stop Googling Myself".

The other thing on my mind is the dream I had 2 days ago. I was at my back door, checking to see if it was locked, when these hippies emerge from the hedge in my backyard. There were 2 dudes with wooden spoons and pots and they were banging the pots with the spoons, and another chick with a whole bunch of rocks and was throwing them at anyone who tried to get them to leave. So I start screaming to go away, we don't need any hippies here, that sort of thing, when I showed my affection for regurgitation. Then my mom showed up at the door asking why I was screaming and I told her about the hippies. And then she starts threatening to call the cops, and that our cousin is a cop, and then I remembered that I know 11 different ways to kill someone with my thumb, which I don't really know, and I go after the dudes with the spoons, and the chick with the rocks starts throwing them at my mom, and I'm still chasing the dudes, and then the head for the nearby park, singing and dancing like the nomads in the episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender, "The Cave of Two Lovers" and the chick with the rocks was dancing like the girl in the episode who was all noodle-like.

Weird.

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions: Post 11

Good afternoon, and welcome to Random Questions, the only blog segment certified by the Cheesecakian Fun Association to prevent nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea. So put the Pepto-Bismol back in the medicine cabinet, George.

Random Question 1: What is your favorite restaurant?
Answer: Though not in Cheesecakia, Bubba Gump's Shrimp Co. in MoA.

Random Question 2: Enchiladoritos: What are they?
Answer: How come I can hear me say "I don't know?"

Random Question 3: Are you sure you don't know what an enchiladorito is?
Answer: Again, how come I can hear me?

Random Question 4: Please describe what the super secret event on the 26th is?
Answer: No.

And now: BONUS FEATURES!!

George: Knock, knock
Jimmy: Who's there?
George: Boo
Jimmy: Boo who?
George: Don't cry. It's just a joke.
Jimmy: *groan*
George: OK, you didn't like that one.
Jimmy: Nope.
George: How 'bout this one, DONK!


Cheese Face out.

Behold! An Update of Herman

You guys remember my snowman, Herman. Y'know, he got beheaded well before his time? 'Member? YOU 'MEMBER! Anyways, I just looked on YouTube and only 45 views, a majority of which came from my brother. Herman is sad. He said to me, before he died, he said to me, he said, "Cheese Face, I wish to be an Interweb sensation before I melt. Make me an Interweb star." Did he actually say that? No, at least I don't think so. But his hopes of becoming famous on YouTube were dashed because only 45 views were recorded.

You can help end his dashed hopes and dreams by telling your friends, family, neighborhood weirdos, anyone with internet. And if one of those thousand of possible viewers happen to have a YouTube account, tell them to leave a comment. Please. Think of Herman.

Cheese Face out.

And Now for a Cheese Face Original: Behind the Questions

Well, I don't mind the Impaler ripping off some of my bits, she's a buddy! But I think it's time that I took you on that MAGICAL journey of what goes into making a fine Random Questions.

There are 6 parts: Processing, the greeting, the questions, the answers, running gags, references

The Process:

The first thing that goes into making an RQ is deciding it's time for another installment. Usually a week to a month is the interval. Then I will stare at the monitor like this: :-0. That's my "What should I do NOW?" look. So I stare until I come up with something. Once I come up with an idea, the rest of the questions just come.

The Greeting:

The most recent post of RQ had the greeting, "Hello, hello, fellow readers..." Most greetings I type try to have some comedy in it to alert the reader to call their doctor and ask if this much hilari-osity is OK for them. If not, then I suggest finding something else to do.

The Questions:

The questions themselves are actually straight ramblings from my head. But, some of them are inspired from Blogger's own.

The Answers:

The answers are typed with a calm state of mind in mind. So if an interviewer actually asked these questions to me, I'd answer it calmly while also inserting logic and comedy.

Running Gags:

There are some running gags in the ongoing series. Like enchiladortitos, for example. I obviously have no clue what they are. Really, no clue. Another running gag is the "If a tree falls in the middle of a forest" type of questions. Some answers are logical, others have no relation to the question. Some RQs also have questions relating to the Cheeseys or other special events.

References:

There are usually references in RQ. Like right now there are some. Behind the Questions is a reference to the episode of Good Eats titled "Behind the Eats". Also, the capital magical is a reference to Charlie the Unicorn. In RQ: Post 9, RQ 3 asked, "Why did the chicken cross the road". The answer, "To escape the farmer who wanted to make coq au vin out of it." Yet another reference to a Good Eats episode entitled "Coockoo for Coq Au Vin". In RQ: Post 6 I made a Monty Python reference: "Random Question 4 (part 1): What is your name?
Answer: Cheese Face of Cheesecakia.
RQ4(Pt 2): What is your quest?
Answer: To have a wicked awesome N.Y.E. Festival.
RQ4 (Pt 3): What is your favorite color?
Answer: Red."

So now you know the secrets of Random Questions.

Cheese Face out.