Random Questions: Post 12

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Another installment of your favorite ongoing segment with your host, Cheese Face.

Random question 1: Where would you find the Aquatics Centre of America?
Answer: Well, Canada and United Kingdom use the reversed 'er' so I'm guessing it's somewhere in Canada or UK unless it's trying to appeal to tourist from there. Or maybe there is no Aquatics Centre of America. Btw, Centre looks like cen-tray, if you get my drift.

Random Question 2: What is the Krabby Patty secret formula?
Answer: I'm not Stephen Hillenburg, I don't know.

Random question 3: Is it true that AT&T is the best 3G network, or something?
Answer: I cannot confirm nor deny that statement.

Random question 4: How old is the world?
Answer: I'm not an astronomer, ask someone else.

Well, join us next week, or not, for Random Questions.

Cheese Face out.

Really, what is CPS Thinking?

Well, school starts in 3 weeks. Weeks. It was June 6th yesterday, how could it be weeks? Nope. Weeks. I like the start of school. I mean, we get new stuff, new clothes, new teachers, but we go back to learning. According to the principal at my school learning is our debt to society but he worded it as "jobs". According to the city people get paid for doing their job even if they don't like it. Why can't we get paid? Just a little something for putting up with the idiots that inhabit the school. Just a suggestion.

On a positive note, I get to visit my grandparents this weekend. Yeah! We'll go swimming at a kiddie pool where the shear size of my younger sister will terrorize the kiddies. And at a real pool or "aquacourt" as they say. Yes, the same pool that the Impaler went to. Coolio museums. And a fountain of colored water where my brother and I will carry on the legacy of my mom's friend who said, "It's only colored water!". We will scream that at the dopes who worship it. Well, I guess it still is a cool fountain.

Cheese Face out.

Happy Birthday, Dear Blog, Happy Birthday to YOU

Yep. Uh-huh. That's right. Today is my blog-o-versary. My blog birthday. My, uh, *insert creative name here*. One year ago today, I was at my grandparents' house and I had done something. Something so fantastic that it has changed the world. I give you: THE LEGEND OF THE CHEESE FACE!

The Ledgend of The Cheese Face

Sup. It's me, The Cheese Face. Now, my face isn't REALLY made of cheese. It's just a nickname I got from my friends. I remember it like it was yesterday.

(Wavy flashback mode)

It was 4th period Math class. My class was learning about proportions or somethin' like that.
We, as a class, were working on this math problem where you were s'possed find out how fast this Olympic speed skater was going. The answer? 10mps (meters per second). so I said "My face can't stand the G's!" But my friend Maddie thought I said cheese and was like "your face is made of CHEESE?!" I tried explaining but she kept calling me Cheese Face.

I gotta go before my sisters kill themselves.

Ah, yes. Good times. Well, yeah, I should go before my sisters kill themselves.

Cheese Face out.

Super Awewsomesauce is Coming TOMORROW

Tomorrow is the birthday of this web page. FFFFWWWHAAAAAT? Exactly one year has gone by? Impossible you say? WELL STOP SAYING STUFFZ. Be here and read with the most joyous of attitudes of Mr. Cheese and Mr. Nemetz will rein down on you like a pack of ravenous-- HEY! NEW SUBJECT!

I just saw another ad for TLA. So many things wrong....

Cheese Face out.

The REAL The Last Airbender

Yes, another post about that flub of a movie. I watched the Last Airbender Revealed thing a few weeks ago and Shyamalan said he's seen the cartoon. YOU WATCHED THE CARTOON?! HOW?! But yesterday, my siblings, my mom, and I took it upon ourselves to make the real movie. Hopefully, we'll be able to edit it all together and post it on YouTube. Yep. Watch for it possibly a month from now. It'll be there. And I did say maybe.

Cheese Face out.

The Last Airbender

I just saw The Last Airbender movie, I'm so mad. I can see why the critics said it was lame.

OK, first, Zuko has a PONYTAIL. Say it with me, M. Night Shyamalan, PONYTAIL. And his scar was barely there! I mean what the chiz?!?

Second, the pronunciation? It's Aang, not Aungh; Iroh, not Eeroh; and SOKKA, not SOAKKA.

Third, Ozai's hair is 3 times longer in the cartoon than the movie. And he has a really long goatee.

Fourth, no Appa! Appa is their main mode of transit, how can you NOT have him in there?!? Momo the lemur is so creepy.

The Komodo rhinos look like a Komodo dragon, not a mix.

Yue, turns into the moon, her spirit kisses Sokka and then disappears in the cartoon. She just floated in the stupid pond in the movie.

WHERE ARE THE KYOSHI WARRIORS?! According to the series Suki comes back as Sokka's girlfriend.

Katara's all crybaby, Sokka has no Sok-casm, and Aang is too serious.

And where is Hei Bai the panda spirit? Is he having tea?

Appa's legs have no meat on them. I've had chicken wings with more meat on them than Appa's legs.

The moon spirit was burned in the series, not stabbed.

Master Pakku was all mad about Katara learning waterbending in the cartoon. No hostility in the movie.

WHERE THE HECK IS KOI-ZILLA?

The Avatar State was pretty wimpy.

I urge you not to see this movie. Your eyes will bleed. Don't see it.

Cheese Face out.

The Cheesey Awards

The Cheesey Awards are back and "cheddar" than ever. Heh, heh, cheese humor. Anyways, you have just tuned in to the finest awards ceremony on this side of the International Date Line. Who said so? Oh, just a little turtle from Mall of America, USA, named MR. NEMETZ! You must listen to him, or you shall pay....

Let's get on with the awards, shall we?

So, here are the nominees for FAVORITE MOVIE:
Avatar
Toy Story 3
Eclipse
The Last Airbender

And the winner is... The Last Airbender! Yay! Take that movie critics who say the movie is "lame".

Up next is Favorite Female Singer.
Nominees:
Lady GaGa
Beyonce
Other

You voted, and the winner is, Other. Go other females who I haven't named due to lack of knowledge of existence or otherwise! You know who you are.

The next category is Favorite Male Singer.
Nominees:
Justin Bieber
Adam Lambert
Parry Gripp
Other

The winner is, Parry Gripp! Yeah, it was a close call, with Adam Lambert with 4 votes.

And now a word from our sponsor.

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Sweet, huh? I wonder if it will mow the lawn?

Anyways, the next category is Favorite Song.

Nominees:

Last Train to Awesometown

Baby
Telephone
This is My Ringtone

And the winner is, Last Train to Awesometown! Yeah! To quote one comment on YouTube, "Best use of auto tune EVER!"

And now the results of Favorite Band.
Nominees:
The Beatles
Metallica
Trout Fishing in America
Black Eyed Peas

And the winner will be revealed right after this!

Mr. Cheese speaking:

Boy, are we in for a treat tonight. Today we are going to rewrite history by defying gravity. Sure we could send Cheese Face into space, but that is longer and cheating. Nope, we are going to put Cheese Face in to a huge Fushigi ball. Like 300 times the size of a regular Fushigi, maybe more. OK, she is stepping into the ball and we shut the door. Don't worry there is plenty of oxygen in there. And now we cut the rope holding it down and she is floating off. Now, because we can't ACTUALLY send Cheese Face into space, the following is CGI animated. What, that's not cheating, that's redefined objectives. We said we were going to rewrite history, we never said it wasn't going to be animated. Well, maybe we can not put this in the record books. Back to you, Cheese Face.

OK, now the results of Favorite Band. You voted and the winners are The Beatles and TFIA! w00t.

And now for the results for Best Blog.
Nominees:
Impaled by Unicorns
The Mind of Steve Joe Bob
BizarroBlog
Joe's Alter Ego

And the winners of Best Blog are... The Mind of Steve Joe Bob and BizarroBlog!

Well, join us three months from now. Congratulations to all the winners.

Cheese Face and Mr. Cheese out.

Everything. On My Mind. In Here. So Yeah.

A few days ago, my mom downloaded this coolio game called Mario Paint Composer. I am addicted to it. I have made 3 of my own songs on it, Dreams, Forest Nights, and Journey. And many other songs that are well known, like the Psych theme, the intro to Coldplay's "Clocks", and Parry Gripp's "I Can't Stop Googling Myself".

The other thing on my mind is the dream I had 2 days ago. I was at my back door, checking to see if it was locked, when these hippies emerge from the hedge in my backyard. There were 2 dudes with wooden spoons and pots and they were banging the pots with the spoons, and another chick with a whole bunch of rocks and was throwing them at anyone who tried to get them to leave. So I start screaming to go away, we don't need any hippies here, that sort of thing, when I showed my affection for regurgitation. Then my mom showed up at the door asking why I was screaming and I told her about the hippies. And then she starts threatening to call the cops, and that our cousin is a cop, and then I remembered that I know 11 different ways to kill someone with my thumb, which I don't really know, and I go after the dudes with the spoons, and the chick with the rocks starts throwing them at my mom, and I'm still chasing the dudes, and then the head for the nearby park, singing and dancing like the nomads in the episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender, "The Cave of Two Lovers" and the chick with the rocks was dancing like the girl in the episode who was all noodle-like.

Weird.

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions: Post 11

Good afternoon, and welcome to Random Questions, the only blog segment certified by the Cheesecakian Fun Association to prevent nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea. So put the Pepto-Bismol back in the medicine cabinet, George.

Random Question 1: What is your favorite restaurant?
Answer: Though not in Cheesecakia, Bubba Gump's Shrimp Co. in MoA.

Random Question 2: Enchiladoritos: What are they?
Answer: How come I can hear me say "I don't know?"

Random Question 3: Are you sure you don't know what an enchiladorito is?
Answer: Again, how come I can hear me?

Random Question 4: Please describe what the super secret event on the 26th is?
Answer: No.

And now: BONUS FEATURES!!

George: Knock, knock
Jimmy: Who's there?
George: Boo
Jimmy: Boo who?
George: Don't cry. It's just a joke.
Jimmy: *groan*
George: OK, you didn't like that one.
Jimmy: Nope.
George: How 'bout this one, DONK!


Cheese Face out.

Behold! An Update of Herman

You guys remember my snowman, Herman. Y'know, he got beheaded well before his time? 'Member? YOU 'MEMBER! Anyways, I just looked on YouTube and only 45 views, a majority of which came from my brother. Herman is sad. He said to me, before he died, he said to me, he said, "Cheese Face, I wish to be an Interweb sensation before I melt. Make me an Interweb star." Did he actually say that? No, at least I don't think so. But his hopes of becoming famous on YouTube were dashed because only 45 views were recorded.

You can help end his dashed hopes and dreams by telling your friends, family, neighborhood weirdos, anyone with internet. And if one of those thousand of possible viewers happen to have a YouTube account, tell them to leave a comment. Please. Think of Herman.

Cheese Face out.

And Now for a Cheese Face Original: Behind the Questions

Well, I don't mind the Impaler ripping off some of my bits, she's a buddy! But I think it's time that I took you on that MAGICAL journey of what goes into making a fine Random Questions.

There are 6 parts: Processing, the greeting, the questions, the answers, running gags, references

The Process:

The first thing that goes into making an RQ is deciding it's time for another installment. Usually a week to a month is the interval. Then I will stare at the monitor like this: :-0. That's my "What should I do NOW?" look. So I stare until I come up with something. Once I come up with an idea, the rest of the questions just come.

The Greeting:

The most recent post of RQ had the greeting, "Hello, hello, fellow readers..." Most greetings I type try to have some comedy in it to alert the reader to call their doctor and ask if this much hilari-osity is OK for them. If not, then I suggest finding something else to do.

The Questions:

The questions themselves are actually straight ramblings from my head. But, some of them are inspired from Blogger's own.

The Answers:

The answers are typed with a calm state of mind in mind. So if an interviewer actually asked these questions to me, I'd answer it calmly while also inserting logic and comedy.

Running Gags:

There are some running gags in the ongoing series. Like enchiladortitos, for example. I obviously have no clue what they are. Really, no clue. Another running gag is the "If a tree falls in the middle of a forest" type of questions. Some answers are logical, others have no relation to the question. Some RQs also have questions relating to the Cheeseys or other special events.

References:

There are usually references in RQ. Like right now there are some. Behind the Questions is a reference to the episode of Good Eats titled "Behind the Eats". Also, the capital magical is a reference to Charlie the Unicorn. In RQ: Post 9, RQ 3 asked, "Why did the chicken cross the road". The answer, "To escape the farmer who wanted to make coq au vin out of it." Yet another reference to a Good Eats episode entitled "Coockoo for Coq Au Vin". In RQ: Post 6 I made a Monty Python reference: "Random Question 4 (part 1): What is your name?
Answer: Cheese Face of Cheesecakia.
RQ4(Pt 2): What is your quest?
Answer: To have a wicked awesome N.Y.E. Festival.
RQ4 (Pt 3): What is your favorite color?
Answer: Red."

So now you know the secrets of Random Questions.

Cheese Face out.

Random Questions: Post 10

Hello, hello, fellow readers, and welcome to Random Questions. I'm your host, Cheese Face.

Random Question 1: It is understood that you are going to adopt a frog. What will his/her name be?
Answer: While cartoon froggies are cute, I am not going to adopt a frog.

Random Question 2: What is the super secret surprise on July 26th?
Answer: That, my friend, is a super secret surprise.

Random Question 3: If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no person is around to hear it, does it make a sound.
Answer: Yes. It is like a dog whistle. YOU may not hear it, but that doesn't mean the dog can't.

Random Question 4: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Answer: I can't answer that.

That's it for RQ. Join us some other time.

Cheese Face out.

The Best/Worst/Scary/Awesome/Indescribable 4th of July EVER

As you may know, yesterday was the 4th of July, the day America got it's freedom from the British. Well, mine was... indescribable.

It started off raining and so my mom, Nana, and I were thinking, "There goes the fireworks." But it stopped raining and the land was scrambling to get dry. So, with the arrival of the sun, my brother and I went outside to pop some snaps. Then my cousins arrived in the middle of the Last Airbender TV show that I had recorded and I had stopped paying attention to that and went to make some con-vo-sation. Translation: Kiddie fireworks. We ate foodstuffs and lit some parachutes. Then my dad tested fireworks that we had no clue what they did. And then the night came and we lit off the big ones. The first were actually rockets and stuff, so yeah. But two fountains that we bought tipped over and caused panic throughout our small audience. The first one tipped and shot flaming balls of flame at our neighbors house, or, really their backyard. The second, at us. Luckily, no one was seriously injured. Then we lit of some of the razzle-dazzles. They were awesome. But, with all the smoke from fireworks throughout the city, the visibility was -0.01 miles from Cheeseland to Houston. At least, that's what I said.

Cheese Face out.

Happy Birthday, America

It's the 4th, and you know what that means. Yep, deafening fireworks, the possible cookout, and if your like me, CHICKA- WANGS!

So, enjoy your 4th. Happy 234th birthday, America.

"Go, go, go, go, American hamster..."

The Cheesey Awards... Again

The Cheeseys are coming. When? I don't know. Actually I do know, July 17. But you have to vote if you want the Cheeseys posted. 'Cuz what's an awards ceremony without winners? I'll tell you what it is: LAME. Yeah. So vote. Tell your friends too. Send an e-mail, text, write a hand-written sentiment, anything. So yeah.

On the other hand, something completely off topic. Telemarketers. Yesterday one called, and they were speakingz the Espanol. But, while I do love speaking Spanish, I am not completely fluent, yet. So,since that lame show, Big Time Rush (bad auto-tune) was on, I held my phone up to the TV and shut my phone. Now, I wish I had said, "No habla espanol." But I didn't. But please tell me my response wasn't rude? Or if it was, was it appropriate? Of course it was rude AND appropriate. It's a telemarketer.

Vote.

Cheese Face out.

The Epic Journey

Yesterday, or early this morning today, whatever, we returned from our trip to Minnesota. Now here are some of the best times on the road of NOTHING. 'K maybe I should fill you in.

We traveled from Cheeseland to the state of Iowa where there is NOTHING. "Fields of Oppertunity", esta loco, should be "Fields of NOTHING!" Yep, NOTHING. And when we went over a bridge I realized that the noise the road makes is the angels singing. So it'd be like, "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and my mom said that it was the best description or that noise she's ever heard. And then we passed this sign that said "BURCHINAL" and I said that Burchinal was a disease of the mouth. So my mom and I came up with symptoms, some of which include: Bleeding of the gums; swelling of the teeth; bruising of the roof of mouth; and many other unpleasant things.
Then there was this other sign which said "MASON CITY" and "CHARLES CITY". What did Mason and Charles do to get their own city? They discovered Burchinal.

Then we entered Minnesota. It was boring. Until we reached our destination based on a crappy navigator app. It got us all lost and and was like, "Recalculating route." Yeah, you do that.

So that was our trip. Almost.

"What do you mean 'almost?'"

"Jimmy go stand on the ceiling!"

"Aww, relish!"

Cheese Face out.