31 December 2010

New Year's Eve Festival 2010

Good! You're here. Now we can party like it's 1989! Welcome to the New Year's Eve Festival of 2010.

Before we see which stuff won "best of" let's take a look at what happened over the year, shall we? Well for starters, January 1st of this year meant we were 2 years closer to our imminent doom of the Apocalypse. I still don't believe that, which is why on the supposed 'day the world ends' I'm going to sing REM's It's the End of the World As We Know It.

January 5th, President Obama met with Security Advisers to discuss the failed Christmas Day bombing, AKA, the underwear bomber. Which led to the TSA's tightening of rules...

January 12th, a 7.0 magnitude earthquake wreaks havoc on Haiti. Poor Haitians. I feel sorry for what they went through.

On January 20th, Haiti was hit with a 6.1 magnitude aftershock from the previous 'quake. Man, those guys just have bad luck or something, because I don't know what's going on down there.

January 27th, the Apple company announces its iPad. Whoo, technology just got better.

And also on January 27th, Haiti get hit with yet another aftershock, this one measuring a 4.9 magnitude. What is going on down there?!

February 6, Herman the Snowman is built. Not really important in world history but Herman deserves to be recognized.

February 7th, Super Bowl XLIV was held and the Saints won against the Colts, 31-17. If you drove by my house, Herman was holding a sign that read 'SUPER BOWL XLIV!!'.

February 12th, an Olympic Luger is killed during a practice run. The Olympics started and lasted through the 28th, as did my insane social studies assignment.

February 27th, a massive 8.8 magnitude earthquake it Chile. They say weird stuff happens when it gets close to the apocalypse, right. Because this is pretty weird chiz. First Haiti, then Chile...

March 20th, the volcano Eyjafjallajoekull, in Iceland erupted.

April 20th, the Deepwater Horizon explodes and causes one of the worst environmental disasters in history.

April 27th, the BP oil spill reaches the size of Rhode Island, which isn't so big in retrospect, but if you are an oil spill, it's kinda a big deal.

June 11th, the World Cup "kicks" off in South Africa. I guess you could say they had a "ball". Soccer puns. Always fun.

July 25th, WikiLeaks publishes the Afghan War Diary.

August 5th, BP begins cementing oil pipeline.

August 19th, Operation Iraqi Freedom ends.

October 13th, 33 Chilean miners are rescued after being trapped for 68 days. I remember the CNN live feed of the last miner being pulled out in Social Studies.

October 21st, the Haiti cholera epidemic starts. What's wrong in the Carribean? Just... no...
December 2nd, NASA discovers new life form.

December 21st was the first solstice lunar eclipse since 1638! And my mom got pictures on her camera too. Well, you'd make your mom stay up at 1:30 am to take pictures of the moon if it were the first solstice eclipse in over 300 years and there's not gonna be another one for another 84 years.

Those are some of the big events in 2010. Now let's get on with the Best things of 2010.

First up we have the Best Phone of 2010.
The nominees are
iPhone 3Gs
Android Phones
Blackberry Bold
HTC Nexus

and the best phone is... Android Phones. With their robotic....commercials and.... apps and....miscellaneous items.

Up next is Best TV Show of '10.
Nominees:
NCIS
Chuck
It Only Hurts When I Laugh
Victorious
Big Time Rush

and the winner is NCIS!

The next class of nominees is Worst 2010 Disaster.
Nominees:
Haiti earthquake
BP oil spill
California wildfires
2010 Heatwave

and the winners losers are Haiti earthquake and the oil spill people.

We'll be right back so please enjoy this picture of a chrysanthemum.
And we're back. Isn't it a pretty chysanthemum. I can't belive I can spell that correctly. Anyways it's time to find out what is the best website for 2010.
Is it:
The Other Wiki (aka Wikipedia)
Yahoo
Youtube
Google products

the winners are Youtube and the Google people.

And now it's time to find out what the best song of 2010 is.
Will it be
Bad Romance
Hey, Soul Sister
Baby

and the winner is...Hey, Soul Sister! I both love and hate that song because it's always getting stuck in my head, and my social studies class from last year kinda ruined the song for me from singing it out of tune. *shudder shudder*

And finally the last category for the best things of 2010 is Best Commercial for '10.
Nominees;
Keep your hands off my Doritos
VW commercials
Kindle commercials
Subway commercials

and the winner is.... Keep Your hands off my Doritos.

And now for the Best of The Best. Starting with the Worst Disaster of the Decade.
The nominees are;
The Twin Tower Attacks
Hurricane Katrina
2004 Tsunami
and the worst thing of the decade is 9/11 and Katrina.

The results for the best infomercial merchandise of the decade are in.
The nominees:
Mighty Putty
ShamWOW
Snuggie
EmeryCat

and the winners are Migty Putty and ShamWOW.

Best Commercial of the Decade.
Nominees:
Bird in the Hand
Sargent Therapy
Taco Party
the best commericial of the decade is... Sargent Therapy. "Maybe we should chug on over to Mamby-Pambyland where maybe we can find some self-confidence ya jackwagon!"

And finally the best song of the decade.
Nominees;
Single Ladies
Feel Good Inc.
Clocks
The Pretender
and the best songs from 2000 to 2010 are Feel Good Inc and Clocks

All right. Now you know everything that happened this year and the years greatest things AND the decades greatest things. Have a safe and happy holiday.

Cheese Face out

27 December 2010

RE: Claymation Attack


Yes I made this video all by myself using my cellphone. So that explains why the picture quality isn't so great. But look at how cool it is. It took me two days to make the little three inch figures and pose them just right.
Cheese Face out.

Side Effects Include Nausea, Heartburn, Indegestion, Upset Stomach, and Diarrhea

Have you ever noticed the sheer amount of lawsuits over medicines that are supposed to help you but instead, I dunno, KILL YOU? If FDA stands for Food and Drug Administration, then my friend they are lacking in the drug part. I just saw a commercial that said, "Call this number if you or a loved one has taken this medicine and has been diagnosed with these diseases or have had death." OK, first, you can't call if you are DEAD, so that statement is kinda redundant. But you can call if a loved one has died. So....not so redundant. Heh.

I've seen 15 different commercials like these and it makes me wonder why the FDA isn't doing anything to make sure people don't unexpectedly die from medicines that are supposed to help them. What are they doing up there, anyways? Playing online Poker and having tea with their FDA pals?

At one time there was this acne medication whose side effects were dry skin; feeling of warmth; irritation; itching; peeling; redness; scaling; temporary burning and stinging. I want clear skin, but I am not risking the medicine to peel my skin off. What kind of side effects are those? What happened to headaches, nausea, vomiting, and dizziness upon standing in simple medicines? GOD!

Making medicine requires using chemistry, right? Because this is an epic fail if 15 different law offices are offering consultation because of medicine. YOU FAIL CHEMISTRY FOREVER FDA!

Cheese Face out.

26 December 2010

3 Posts in One Day?! It Must Be MAGIC!

Just now, yes NOW, my mom's friends Jessie and Anthony and their 3 kids came over. I showed the littles Burt the Farting Hippo, whom the littlest one took and immediate liking to.  THEN Anthony showed us magic tricks, because HE'S A FREAKING MAGICIAN. Like really, he's a magician. He showed us card tricks, the fuzzy red balls, the one trick where you pull a ring off of a string, and the handkerchief trick. The trick that stands out the most to me is when he took the five of clubs, drew a magnet on the back of it, shuffled it in the deck a coupla times and BOOM seven of diamonds, with the magnet on the back. And I know what you skeptics out there are saying: He drew the magnet on before hand. FALSE! I'm the one who pick the seven of diamonds, and there was NO magnet on the back.

Now being the kind of person I am, I was both amazed and confused. I like everything to have an explanation. With magic there is no explanation. Which is why I was confused. I was like, "This goes against everything I was taught. There has to be an explanation." What I was thinking was, Newton explain this to me because I don't understand why you're torturing me with unexplanabilities!! My brother has one explanation: Chuck Norris. My theory: Things just happen; what the hell. Heh, heh. Hogfather humor.

It was a fun day.

Cheese Face out.

Claymation Attack

I'm making a claymation movie using modeling clay I got from Santy Claus. It'll take a few days but when it's done I'll try to post it here.

Cheese Face out.

The Cheesey Awards Special: Behind the Scenes

After going on for over a year, I think it's time I tell how the Cheesey Awards happen. The five parts to the Cheeseys are 1). nomination, 2). polling, 3). results,  4). commercials, and 5). Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt. So, let the explanation BEGIN.

So, after I've decided the date of the awards, usually 3-4 weeks after posting polls, I have to decide what the categories and the nominees are gonna be. I already know that one of the categories is going to be Best Blog, because the Internet is full of blogs, but to be Best Blog, now that's something said author should be proud about. Other categories include Best Band, Most Random thing to Say when Talking With Your Grandmother, Best Movie, that kind of stuff.

Then after staring at the design main page for 30 minutes while figuring out the nominees/categories, I can make the polls. Sometimes I allow multiple answers, sometimes not. Few days later, if no one has voted, I'll vote ONCE just to jump start the voting.

Then the day of the awards arrive, and that leaves me with figuring out clever ways to introduce the categories and nominees. And not to mention finding a funny intro, such as my infamous 'cheddar than ever' gag.

Ah, the Rip-off Commercials. Making fun of everything from Snuggies to UGGs, Fushigis to phones, computers to every popular thing you can think of. Of course, we didn't always make fun of things (drink coca-cola; live life).Yes, endorsing Coke is what we began with. Did you know Coke started out as a medicine with cocaine in it? My, how times have changed... But the commercials are one of my favorite things about the Cheesey Awards. How do I come up with a spoof of a popular object? It's quite easy actually. 1). Think of thing to spoof. 2). Think of all of the good things. 3) Use those things against it. Like the ABC Robot is s'possed to be the HTC Droid. Droid has many cool apps. The Robot has cool apps that malfunction every time you try to launch it. The Droid doesn't do that.  In a world that doesn't, Droid does.

And finally Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt, which didn't suck on the most recent Cheeseys. This area is completely out of my expertise so to explain the stunts is the Mighte* himself Mr. Cheese.
Mr. Cheese speaking: The stunts are what give the awards its pizazz. Most awards show don't have stunts, the Oscars for example. I don't know why people watch go insane to see them. There's no excitement for the people playing at home. But the stunts, get everybody excited to see or rather read what stupid thing we'll do.

Well, there you have it. A complete explanation of one of the greatest things about The Cheese Face Page.

Cheese Face out.

*As most readers don't know, Mr. Cheese is not human, but a Mighte about 3/4 of in inch tall. I won him at a local college's open house. He's the guy behind the suck of the stunt.

25 December 2010

Bragging Rights

Hey, it's Cheese Face on Christmas Day. I'm blogging from a shiny new Acer laptop  netbook. You feel the jealousy? YA FEEL IT?!?! But this isn't the only awespic gift I got. My parents also gave me a Burt the Farting Hippo just like the one Abby Sciuto has. And speaking of NCIS, Santa-man gifted to me a shirt that says 'I (heart) Abby' on it. And my many aunts took it upon themselves to get me even more clothes, but they're actually shirts I'll wear! That's always good, you can never have too many clothes. And the other things this Santa person got me were books, Good Eats season 1 and 2, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on DVD, Eclipse on DVD, AND stocking goodies.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Blessed Kwanzaa, and a happy new year.

Cheese Face out.

23 December 2010

Holy Crap! It's Christmas!

Yeah, I can't believe it. It's like yesterday it was Thanksgiving, it can't be Christmas. I love Christmas, but I hate it too.

For one, I hate Christmas carols. They're so annoying.  Once you've heard seven versions of "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer", with one featuring an accordion (sadly, it wasn't John Linnell, lead singer of They Might Be Giants), you start to hate all Christmas songs.

Also, December 25 may not even be the day of Jesus' birth, according to historians.  For one, if it were December, there's no way that baby could have survived in the cold. And two, historians believe he was born April 25, because of the weather that was occurring around the time of his birth. Heck, they're even calling it 'Mithras'.

December came way too fast. I'm not use to it being THIS fast. It's not even snowing, something unusual for my part of the US of A.

Cheese Face out.

19 December 2010

Tuesdays Are SCIENTIFIC

Yes. My brother found this show on YouTube called Scientific Tuesdays, and it's awesome. Hosted by science nerd HouseholdHacker, aka Dylan Hart, this show shows you all sorts of cool science tricks you can use with household items and chemicals to impress family, friends, and maybe your physics/chemistry professor. Like, making paper invisible, making George Washington go "fappity, fap, fap, fap!", and so much more. You don't have to see the first episode to make sense of what's happening, but I should warn you that if you start with season 2 episodes, you'll be interrupted from regular programming because Mr. Hacker needs to advertise some sponsors so he can pay for chemicals, emergency room visits, and his rent, so he says.

Check it out. Just go to www.youtube.com and search Scientific Tuesdays.

Cheese Face out.

17 December 2010

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU

Random Questions: Post 19

Hello. This is an automatic voice message machine. The Cheese Face is not here right now, so please leave your name and number after the tone. JUST KIDDING!! I fooled ya didn't I? DIDN'T I?!?! So this is Random Questions with your host, Cheese Face.

Random Question 1: What is the krabby patty secret formula?
Answer: Click picture to make it big-like. Did you click it? YAY YOU WIN!

Random Question 2: What is the prized possesion of the General of the Cheesecakian Militia?
Answer: His first fishing trophy of 19-ought, eleventy-twelbe.

Random question 3: What is your favorite decade of music?
Answer: 80s' music.

Random question 4: Where is my left thumb ring?!
Answer: Who wears thumb rings?

Cheese Face out.

16 December 2010

New Year's Eve Festival Festivities

The N.Y.E.F. is 14 days away. So you have until then to vote for the year's best. And not to mention, The Best of the Best for 2000-2010. Vote now!

15 December 2010

The Cheesey Awards

Hey-hey party people. Do you know what today is?!?! *23 minutes later* That's right, the Cheesey Awards. And they're "cheddar" than ever. Oh, I just had to say it, so bear with me here.
But they are better. Mr. Cheese, who has been on a sucky streak, has come up with the greatest stunt ever. And not only that, but there are results of the polls. So your 7 minutes won't be a total loss. Hey, look I'm rambling again. Let's get started.

First up is Favorite Blog.
The nominees are:
Impaled by Unicorns
BizarroBlog
Scott's Tip of the Day
Hyperbole and a Half
The Mind of Steve Joe Bob

You voted and the winner winners are Impaled by Unicorns and Hyperbole and a Half! w00t w00t!

Next category is Favorite Movie.
Nominees:
Big Fat Liar
Grown Ups
Shrek the Final Chapter
Toy Story 3

And the winner is... Grown Ups.

Now, we will take a little commercial advertising break.

It's that time of year again, winter. And your house is so cold that even penguins are packing up and moving to California! What you need is the new Blanket Robe. The Blanket Robe is made of a sheer, thin material of some sort and does a terrible time keeping you nice and cozy. The Blanket Robe comes in a variety of colors including dull gray, hippie lavender, Emo black, and maroon. Call now!

Introducing the greatest smart phone ever: the ABC Robot. Take low definition pictures and video, with its scratched camera lens. Use it to locate cars that are the same model of yours within a 100 mile radius. And not to mention its extremely low call quality, poor Internet access and loads of other terrible apps. Get it at The OK Buy, Radio House, and Horizon.

That's a phone everyone needs!

The next pigeonhole is Favorite Band.
Your nominees are:
They Might Be Giants
Metallica
The Beatles
Other
And the winner is... Metallica!

The results for Favorite TV Show is next.
Nominees:
 Victorious
iCarly
Pawn Stars
Mythbusters
The winner is Pawn Stars! Woohoo. Yeah.

And now for Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt.

(Mr. Cheese speaking):
Good evening Cheesecakia and surrounding vicinities. Today we have a special treat for you. We will shoot this ordinary, incredible, edible egg into space--wait for it-- from a GIANT SLINGSHOT. Yes, so many questions asked: Will the vacuum of space turn the egg inside-out? Will the pressure from leaving Earth's atmosphere cause it to 'splode?  Will Clay Anderson see this egg? Let's find out. 3...2...1... SSSSSSSPPPPPPPPHHHHOOOOOOOOO! The Egg Tracker we installed on it says it has just exited the Ionosphere into deep space. So, to retrieve the egg so we can see what happened to it, let's use the ABC Robot and it's rocket feature. *boop* SPLODE!!!!!!! So maybe the Robot isn't so good. In a world that doesn't, Robot sure don't do nothin'.  Back to you, Cheese Face.

Well, that wasn't as planned. Now we'll never know whether or not astronaut Clay Anderson saw the egg SSSSSSSPPPPPPPPHHHHOOOOOOOOO.

The last category is Favorite Sport.
And the nominees are
Archery
Baseball/Softball
Basketball
Tennis
Dance
Golf
And the winner is...................... Archery! Archery, archery, in your face other sports! Yeah, go archery. You can be used in I dunno, sniper attacks.

And now the Honorary Nominees.

Micah F.-- FFF
Emma-- FFF and winner of Favorite Blog
Allie Brosh (Hyperbole and a Half)-- Winner of Favorite Blog
Sidney G.--FFF
Rebecca F.-- FFF
Senora Fudgehead--FFF

12 December 2010

20 Things: That are Oxymorons

Oxymoron-- a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, self-contradictory effect. We use oxymorons everyday and sometimes not realize it. Here are some oxymorons. See if you can figure out why they are.

1. Act naturally
2. Found missing
3. Airline food
4. Synthetic natural gas
5. Alone together
6. Legally drunk
7. Sweet sorrow
8. Definite maybe
9. "Now, then..,"
10. Silent scream
11. Same difference
12. Terribly pleased
13. Tight slacks
14. Plastic glasses
15. Sanitary landfill
16. Taped live
17. Rap music
18. Childproof
19. New classic
And my personal favorite, 20. Microsoft "Works".

Cheese Face out.

11 December 2010

Santa Promotes Slavery

Do I believe this? Yeah, maybe a little. It this true? Yeah, probably. Did I come up with this theory? No, my mom and brother did. So, Santa promotes slavery. Yeah...

Has anyone not figured this out yet? How much do the elves get paid? My guess, probably not enough. Look at all the things they do for this Mr. Santa Claus-Man: They build the toys, clean up after the reindeer, get attacked by little kids in the mall, do his laundering, the whole she-bang. And what do they get in return? One day off and some cookies and milk. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, Santa, I thought I knew you better. They probably work 8-12 hour days everyday and kick it into hyperdrive in December. So maybe bump it up to 16 hours. Then 10 days before Christmas Eve they work all night, because, c'mon, there's 6,887,000,000(and counting!) people in the world and toys need finishing.

And does Mrs. Claus know about this? Because if she does, why hasn't she stopped Santa-Man? And if she doesn't, why is she just baking cookies all day? Is that all she does is bake cookies? Does Santa eat real food like steak, clam chowder, pizza and the likes, or does he live on cookies? Or because he's magic, does he not eat at all? These questions need answers people!!

Now some readers might think that I hate Christmas because of yesterday's post and after reading this one. But I don't. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, and no, not because I get fancy stuff. I like it because everyone puts their lights up and makes the city all pretty, especially downtown. In fact, I applaud the hard-working elves and adults(well, not all presents are from Santa) that make Christmas happen. But Santa promoting slavery, I mean really. What did you think goes on up north?

Begone with you now.

Cheese Face out.

10 December 2010

Santa's Helper=Worst Job in the World

A thought just occurred to me: Being a mall Santa has got to be one of the worst jobs ever. Just think about it. You get to sit there for 5-7 hours listening to little kids tell you their every want. If I had to do that, I think I'd get so annoyed that somebody just might explode, and by somebody, I mean probably me.

Not to mention, your face is probably paralyzed from smiling for pictures, so your stuck with a grin on your face. Just think what might happen if a little kid tells you their goldfish died and they want a new one. Sad kid+Perma-grinning Santa=awkward situation. And that's putting it bluntly.

Another thing you'd have to deal with is the bratty kid who wants everything in the known universe. And I mean everything-- iPad, a planet, their very own ball of flaming hydrogen, aka a star, the whole she-bang.

And then there's the kid who attacks the elves. *shudder, shudder*. Or the kid who ate too much and decides to "redecorate" your suit.Yeah, isn't that pleasant.

But I guess there's a good side to being a Santa helper. I mean little kids everywhere adore you. And one time at the mall when I went to get my nails done, Santa came in for a "men's manicure". Yes, you can laugh. One of the employees were like, "Are you really Santa?" and he's like, "I dunno. That's what my license says," and shows her his drivers' license. That is what I call a Pwn.

But still, it's a bad job. At least in my opinion.

Cheese Face out.

05 December 2010

Holy Crap! It's December!

That's right. The wintry month. Or if your south of the equator the summery month. This means it's been three months from the last Cheesey Awards. The next one is on December 15. Vote. Please. It'll just get awesome-er with every vote. Pweeasse. It's for the children.

Also the New Year's Eve Festival is coming back, this time with more time to vote for greatest things of 2010. And since it's the end of the decade, greatest things 2000-2010. Yeah!

Cheese Face out.

03 December 2010

Why I Am Smarter Than Most Kids in My Class

I did say most. So not everyone is as "non-intellectual" as most others. Like my friends and other awesome people I know. They're like, super smart and stuff with advanced classes and just awesome like that. But a few weeks ago the school took the National Geographic Geography Bee Pre-test. I scored good, good meaning I was good enough to make others want to cheat off of me. And then yesterday the top 20 kids out of the 700 that occupy the building competed in the preliminary round and I was one. After all seven rounds were done, Mister E compared scores from the ten kids he had with the scores the other teacher had and I was good enough to move on to the final round with 9 others. I think the top 2 from that go to state and the winner from that goes to national and it's like a big deal just to win the school level. But last year I was in school level and came in fourth place. And all participants get a certificate of participation and a $10 gift card to Target. Yeah... it's so nice to be smart.

Cheese Face out.