Santa Promotes Slavery

Do I believe this? Yeah, maybe a little. It this true? Yeah, probably. Did I come up with this theory? No, my mom and brother did. So, Santa promotes slavery. Yeah...

Has anyone not figured this out yet? How much do the elves get paid? My guess, probably not enough. Look at all the things they do for this Mr. Santa Claus-Man: They build the toys, clean up after the reindeer, get attacked by little kids in the mall, do his laundering, the whole she-bang. And what do they get in return? One day off and some cookies and milk. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, Santa, I thought I knew you better. They probably work 8-12 hour days everyday and kick it into hyperdrive in December. So maybe bump it up to 16 hours. Then 10 days before Christmas Eve they work all night, because, c'mon, there's 6,887,000,000(and counting!) people in the world and toys need finishing.

And does Mrs. Claus know about this? Because if she does, why hasn't she stopped Santa-Man? And if she doesn't, why is she just baking cookies all day? Is that all she does is bake cookies? Does Santa eat real food like steak, clam chowder, pizza and the likes, or does he live on cookies? Or because he's magic, does he not eat at all? These questions need answers people!!

Now some readers might think that I hate Christmas because of yesterday's post and after reading this one. But I don't. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, and no, not because I get fancy stuff. I like it because everyone puts their lights up and makes the city all pretty, especially downtown. In fact, I applaud the hard-working elves and adults(well, not all presents are from Santa) that make Christmas happen. But Santa promoting slavery, I mean really. What did you think goes on up north?

Begone with you now.

Cheese Face out.