I've arrived at my vacation destination. A swanky hotel in Minnesota. Yay! Unfortunatly the pool water taste like urine. Well, at least, that's my brother's description. We went to MoA and went to Nick Universe. So many rides, so little time. We went on almost half of most of them.
Then, when it closed, we tried to look for food. My mom has this navigator app for her phone and it kept directing us to the MoA Burger King. So I was like, "You dare call yourself an app?! There's no reason to make the technology feel bad about itself. Yes there is!" Yep, I talked to myself.
So, what are your best or worst vacation stories. Tell me. Leave a comment.
Cheese Face out.
27 June 2010
25 June 2010
The Cheese Face: The Best Days Ever
During school, there were many wonderful days, that often got a few laughs. Here are the best.
Carl
The story of Carl. When I was new to Cheeseland Middle School, well, not really new, but WE were the youngest grade, the Impaler and I had strings class together. In a portable. Because the school is old, and falling apart. But on one of the last weeks of school the door was open, because it was such a nice day. The Impaler and I were practicing our duet for the concert when in flew... A WASP! Now, I don't like flying, stinging insects, or any insect for that matter. So I was like, "Oh my God, a wasp!" and out teacher was like, "Where?" and I was like," over by the door." So our teacher gets, I think a music book, to try to shoo it away, "Go on, get out of here", but I though he said, "Carl get out of here." And so Impaler and our teacher was like, "What?" Then our teacher said, "Don't name him because then you'll be like 'don't kill Carl.'" And so, on the way back to the building, Impaler kept screaming wasp at random intervals to make me scream. And was laughing. Well, I was laughing too, but--oh, bother.
Cheetos
Fast-forward a year and the Impaler and I are with Mr. S., whom I despise so. We were getting our instruments form our lockers and out of nowhere, our friend Hannah screams, "CHEETOS!" which surprised me and caused me to fall and scream like a little girl. Oh, the laughs.
The Rogue Volleyball
The Impaler, Auntie Wilma, and I were in gym class with Mrs. P. and we were setting the ball to each other, when the Impaler jams her thumb. Being the kind and caring friends we are we rushed over to her side to see if she was ok. Then, this rogue volleyball comes and hits me on the head and I burst into maniacal laughter and can't stop, even after Mrs. P blows her whistle. From then on, I was hit on the head God knows how many times.
Science
Rewind a year. I'm in Science class studying electricity and magnetism. FUN! My teacher was showing us how just coming near one of those outlets that are in the wall, prob'ly couldn't hurt you. So he walks over to the outlet and comes within less than an inch of it and screams. I jumped out my seat 'cuz he scared me. I was thinkin, Holy crap! And then everyone starts laughing, including me. It was fun.
So, those are the ones I remember most. There are others, but I just don't remember the deets.
Cheese Face out.
Carl
The story of Carl. When I was new to Cheeseland Middle School, well, not really new, but WE were the youngest grade, the Impaler and I had strings class together. In a portable. Because the school is old, and falling apart. But on one of the last weeks of school the door was open, because it was such a nice day. The Impaler and I were practicing our duet for the concert when in flew... A WASP! Now, I don't like flying, stinging insects, or any insect for that matter. So I was like, "Oh my God, a wasp!" and out teacher was like, "Where?" and I was like," over by the door." So our teacher gets, I think a music book, to try to shoo it away, "Go on, get out of here", but I though he said, "Carl get out of here." And so Impaler and our teacher was like, "What?" Then our teacher said, "Don't name him because then you'll be like 'don't kill Carl.'" And so, on the way back to the building, Impaler kept screaming wasp at random intervals to make me scream. And was laughing. Well, I was laughing too, but--oh, bother.
Cheetos
Fast-forward a year and the Impaler and I are with Mr. S., whom I despise so. We were getting our instruments form our lockers and out of nowhere, our friend Hannah screams, "CHEETOS!" which surprised me and caused me to fall and scream like a little girl. Oh, the laughs.
The Rogue Volleyball
The Impaler, Auntie Wilma, and I were in gym class with Mrs. P. and we were setting the ball to each other, when the Impaler jams her thumb. Being the kind and caring friends we are we rushed over to her side to see if she was ok. Then, this rogue volleyball comes and hits me on the head and I burst into maniacal laughter and can't stop, even after Mrs. P blows her whistle. From then on, I was hit on the head God knows how many times.
Science
Rewind a year. I'm in Science class studying electricity and magnetism. FUN! My teacher was showing us how just coming near one of those outlets that are in the wall, prob'ly couldn't hurt you. So he walks over to the outlet and comes within less than an inch of it and screams. I jumped out my seat 'cuz he scared me. I was thinkin, Holy crap! And then everyone starts laughing, including me. It was fun.
So, those are the ones I remember most. There are others, but I just don't remember the deets.
Cheese Face out.
24 June 2010
Random Questions: Post 9
Good--eh, what's it called between afternoon and evening--eve-noon. And welcome to Random Questions. I'm your host, Cheese Face.
Random question 1: You went to the store. What were the contents of your cart?
Answer: I did not go to the store, as I was on YouTube watching Good Eats. Therefore there was no cart.
Random question 2: Who ate the last enchiladoritos?
Answer: I DON'T KNOW! What is it with you and enchiladoritos. I don't even know what those are.
Random question 3: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer: To get away from the farmer who want to make coq au vin out of it.
Random question 4: Which came first: The computer or the Internet.
Answer: The computer. In ancient old timey times a computer was "one who carries out computations, or computes". The Internet came sometime in the 50s.
That's all the time we have for Random Questions.
Cheese Face out.
Random question 1: You went to the store. What were the contents of your cart?
Answer: I did not go to the store, as I was on YouTube watching Good Eats. Therefore there was no cart.
Random question 2: Who ate the last enchiladoritos?
Answer: I DON'T KNOW! What is it with you and enchiladoritos. I don't even know what those are.
Random question 3: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer: To get away from the farmer who want to make coq au vin out of it.
Random question 4: Which came first: The computer or the Internet.
Answer: The computer. In ancient old timey times a computer was "one who carries out computations, or computes". The Internet came sometime in the 50s.
That's all the time we have for Random Questions.
Cheese Face out.
21 June 2010
I'm So Excited! And I Just Can't Hide It!
Ok, since the most recent RQ, some of you may be wondering, "Where is Cheese Face going for vacation?" Well in answer to that question, I'm going to Canada. No, I'm not, but I am going to a state that somewhat boarders Canada. The mystery state is Minnesota. Yep. Remember when B.B.S.J said that "there will be no more exiling to Guam. You will be transferred to Minnesota"? I am going to that land of... Minnesota. We're going to Mall of America. In 6 days. So I will not be here. To blog via desktop computer. But I will blog via phone, which is set up to C.F.'s Daily Dilemma. So, I will try to figure out the Countdown gadget and then you can see when we leave.
Cheese Face out.
Cheese Face out.
20 June 2010
I'm Addicted to Blogging!
Well, ever since the 100th Post Extravaganza, it seems as all I want to do is blog. I don't even know what to blog about when that urge suddenly hits. But now it seems I have something to blog about.
It is Father's Day. Yay! But it is raining heavily in Cheeseland. Boo! The dogs are barking at the thunder, the rain is, well, wet, but also loud, and it's Father's Day. So there goes any plans we had for my dad. Unless, of course, it stops raining.
Oh, well.
Cheese Face out.
It is Father's Day. Yay! But it is raining heavily in Cheeseland. Boo! The dogs are barking at the thunder, the rain is, well, wet, but also loud, and it's Father's Day. So there goes any plans we had for my dad. Unless, of course, it stops raining.
Oh, well.
Cheese Face out.
18 June 2010
Random Questions: Post 8
Buenas tardes (that's "good afternoon" for those non-Spanish speakers) and welcome to Random Questions. I'm your host, Cheese Face.
Random question 1: We've been told you are going on a road trip with your family. Where exactly are you going?
Answer: That information is classified until further notice.
Random question 2: When are the next Cheeseys?
Answer: Sometime in July.
Random question 3: If a plane leaves Chicago going east, what time will it reach Seattle?
Answer: Never. Seattle is west of Chicago.
Random question 4: If Train A leaves Washington, D.C., at 7:30 AM, and Train B leaves Sacramento , California, at 8:00 AM, what time will Train C get the cow home?
Answer: Where did 'Train C' come from?
That's all the time we have for Random Questions. Join us next week (no promises), when we interview the platypus that was in the making of How to Hug a Platypus.
Cheese Face out.
Random question 1: We've been told you are going on a road trip with your family. Where exactly are you going?
Answer: That information is classified until further notice.
Random question 2: When are the next Cheeseys?
Answer: Sometime in July.
Random question 3: If a plane leaves Chicago going east, what time will it reach Seattle?
Answer: Never. Seattle is west of Chicago.
Random question 4: If Train A leaves Washington, D.C., at 7:30 AM, and Train B leaves Sacramento , California, at 8:00 AM, what time will Train C get the cow home?
Answer: Where did 'Train C' come from?
That's all the time we have for Random Questions. Join us next week (no promises), when we interview the platypus that was in the making of How to Hug a Platypus.
Cheese Face out.
17 June 2010
Canada and America are Weird
I have this book, it's called Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader, for obvious reasons, but in it is this page of weird laws in Canada, aka, The Great White North. So, without further ado, I give you: Canadian Trivia.
Law #1: In Canada, it's illegal to jump from an airplane without a parachute.
Law #2: In Quebec, margarine must be a different color than butter.
Law #3: An anti-noise ordinance in Ottawa makes it illegal for bees to buzz.
Law #4. In Vancouver, BC, it is illegal to ride a tricycle over 10 mph.
Law #5: It is illegal to kill a Sasquatch in British Columbia.
Well those are just a few examples. But since I have my book out, I guess I could write about a few American laws, too.
Law #1: Tightrope walking is illegal in Winchester, Massachusetts, unless you are in church.
Law #2: It's illegal in Oak Park, Illinois, to bake over 100 doughnuts in one day.
Law #3: It's illegal in South Dakota to fall asleep in a cheese factory. : 0)
Law #4: In Idaho, it's against the law to fish for trout while sitting on the back of a giraffe.
Law #5: It's against the law to peel an orange in your hotel room in California.
And the weirdest in the book: It's against the law to feed margarine instead of real butter to a prisoner in Wisconsin.
Cheese Face out.
Source: the said book and http://informationcentral0.tripod.com/id7.html
Here's one I found on http://djtech.net/humor/useless_facts.htm: In 1912 a law passed in Nebraska where drivers in the country at night were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, wait eight minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all the while blowing their horn and shooting off flares.
Law #1: In Canada, it's illegal to jump from an airplane without a parachute.
Law #2: In Quebec, margarine must be a different color than butter.
Law #3: An anti-noise ordinance in Ottawa makes it illegal for bees to buzz.
Law #4. In Vancouver, BC, it is illegal to ride a tricycle over 10 mph.
Law #5: It is illegal to kill a Sasquatch in British Columbia.
Well those are just a few examples. But since I have my book out, I guess I could write about a few American laws, too.
Law #1: Tightrope walking is illegal in Winchester, Massachusetts, unless you are in church.
Law #2: It's illegal in Oak Park, Illinois, to bake over 100 doughnuts in one day.
Law #3: It's illegal in South Dakota to fall asleep in a cheese factory. : 0)
Law #4: In Idaho, it's against the law to fish for trout while sitting on the back of a giraffe.
Law #5: It's against the law to peel an orange in your hotel room in California.
And the weirdest in the book: It's against the law to feed margarine instead of real butter to a prisoner in Wisconsin.
Cheese Face out.
Source: the said book and http://informationcentral0.tripod.com/id7.html
Here's one I found on http://djtech.net/humor/useless_facts.htm: In 1912 a law passed in Nebraska where drivers in the country at night were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, wait eight minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all the while blowing their horn and shooting off flares.
16 June 2010
The 100th Post Extravaganza!!
Well after a little delay, I guess we can PAR-TAY!
Oh, happy times are here! I, Cheese Face Cheeselington III, has reached 100 posts. Granted it took half of 2009 and 5 months out of 2010, I feel accomplished. The Impaler is here to guest blog like I had hoped. And we do have some awesome entertainment. There will be more Rip-Off Commercials than all of the Cheeseys combined. No stunt, though. This isn't the Cheeseys. Humor.
Oh, happy times are here! I, Cheese Face Cheeselington III, has reached 100 posts. Granted it took half of 2009 and 5 months out of 2010, I feel accomplished. The Impaler is here to guest blog like I had hoped. And we do have some awesome entertainment. There will be more Rip-Off Commercials than all of the Cheeseys combined. No stunt, though. This isn't the Cheeseys. Humor.
OK, shall we get started.
Flashback:
It was July of '09 and I was new to the blogosphere. I sort of got how this all worked, but otherwise, I didn't get the whole process. I told you the story about how I became known as the Cheese Face, stuff that know normal being should ever do, and about what was lame and what's game. And then, a few months later, school began and with that brought the first ever Cheesey Awards on September 29, 2009.
Oh, the first Cheesey Award. I had no clue what I was doing. I remember the first commercial was 4 words: Drink Coca-Cola. Live life. And from that sprung the giving of the honorary Cheeseys, Rip-Off Commercial and Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt, the latter of which was already there, but they all progressively got bigger and better.
But I must come to a pre-recorded close for a word from our sponsor.
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And we're back. Now, I will introduce the Impaler to guest blog:
Hey it's the Impaler, here with warm, gooey, wishes for the cheeseface that aren't unlike a delicious toaster pastry. The Cheeseface has reached one HUNDRED whole posts on this blog, and that is no small task. Hooray for you, O cheesey one. I salute your mad bloggin' skillz. And the cheeseface blogged cheesily forever after, THE END.
Well, all I can say is thanks. No really, thanks. The Impaler's right; this was no small task. With chiblets, animals and sheer just unable to access a computer, bloggin' ain't no walk in the park. Which is why I salute all those who work their sit-parts off just to make sure the world is entertained by their somewhat random musings that come into their minds.
There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum,
selenium and hydrogen and
oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
and nickle, neodymium, neptunium,
germanium and iron, americium,
ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirc-
onium, lutetuim, vanadium,--
OK, I give up. I have it memorized and all, it's just that I'm reading off of my notes for the spellings and at the rate I was typing, it was very hard to do. So how about a song EVERYBODY knows: The Campfire Song Song.
I call this one, the campfire song song.
Let's gather 'round the campfire,
and sing our campfire song.
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G
song and if you don't think that we
can sing it faster then you're wrong,
but it'll help if you just sing along
BUM BUM BUM...
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G
song
our CA-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G
song and if you don't think that we
can sing it faster then you're wrong
but it'll help if you just sing along
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
Patrick
SONG C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E
Squidward.... good
It'll help, it'll help if you just
sing alllloooooooooooooonnnnnggg
OH YEAH!!
Whoo, pullin' this off is harder than I thought.
Tired of flat pieces of paper? Looking for something to do on the night before school? Are your pens and pencils like every other machine made clones? Well, fret no more Jimmy. Introducing Fuz-R-Uz! With Fuz-R-Uz you can bend them, twist them, even EAT them. We're just kidding. But it's true, you can bend and shape them to whatever you little heart desires. Fuz-R-Uz your pen, Fuz-R-Uz your glasses, or just make a Fuz-R-Uz zoo. Each Fuz-R-Uz kit comes with 21 colored Fuz-R-Uz Stixz that you can use over and over and over again. BUT WAIT! Call now and we'll give you, nay, send you a second Fuz-R-Uz kit absolutely FREE! BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! We'll also send you a DVD explaining the history of Persian green. That's a $5 value but you'll only have to pay 5 easy payments of $99.99.99.99! To order call 1-866-STUPIDZ. *kids, feel free to use your parents' credit or debit card and ruin them financially!*
Ok, well I guess I kinda lied about the commercials. But there was more in here than ONE Cheesey Awards show, right. Look, my creative juices aren't--oh, bother.
Well. Good night.
Cheese Face out.
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