A Rather Exciting Way to End a Rather Boring Sunday

Hello, people of the internet. I, Cheese Face, am here to bring you comedy from a not-so comedic travesty.

On Sunday, it was rather quiet. I was upstairs watching TV, hanging up paintings, and working on homework. After that I decided to come downstairs and play on the computer. I logged into Tumblr and found a post that made me giggle. It was about Colonel Sanders and how his tie makes it look like he has a big head and a small body. I called my brother into the kitchen to see and he said the grammar was wrong(for it said "Big head, small body. You can never unsee it"). I said no it was correct, blah, blah, blah. He was sharpening his pocketknife. The next thing I remember is he hit me, I hit him back and try to go back to the computer, but my brother hits me again harder and all I can remember is seeing blood and screaming.

Then I'm at the hospital, crying hysterically and clutching my hand in some paper towels from my house. Then I'm led into a room and I'm waiting for the PA dude to some stitch me up. My mom and I then start cracking Sherlock and Doctor Who jokes to pass the time and to get me to calm down. Then the PA dude comes in and says he has to numb my fingers with stuff and he needs to give me a few shots. I'm like, "Oh, no, not needles. I freaking hate needles." He gives me the shots and I scream. Loud. So loud my dad said he could hear me from the waiting room.

About 10-15 more minutes of Wholock (Sherlock and Doctor Who) jokes later, they stitch me up. And then I have to wait about 10 more minutes for them to clean me up and bandage me.

I now have 4 or 5 stiches in my index finder, 2-3 stitches on my middle finger, and a small cut on the back of my index finger.

And I can barely write, let alone type. Typing John Watson style, one letter at a time.

Cheese Face out.

20 Things: That are Palindromes

A palindrome is a word, phrase, or number that is the same forward and backward. Things like 'racecar'. Here are twenty phrases that are palindromes.

1. Sit on a potato pan, Otis
2. Vanna, wanna V?
3. Ma is as selfless as I am
4. Rats live on no evil star
5. Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
6. Men, I'm Eminem
7. He lived as a devil, eh?
8. Evil live
9. Live evil
10. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama
11. I saw Santa--At NASA was I
12. A Toyota! Race fast, safe car! A Toyota
13. A Toyota's a Toyota
14. Ah, Satan sees Natasha!
15. Aibohphobia
16. Amy, must I jujitsu my ma?!
17. Lager, sir, is regal
18. No sir! Away! A papaya war is on!
19. Draw O coward!
20. Gnu dung

Aww, the list is over. I guess we'll just BRING IT ON IN TO OMLETTEVILLE!!!

Cheese Face out.

Bragging Rights

Hey, it's Cheese Face on Christmas Day. I'm blogging from a shiny new Acer laptop  netbook. You feel the jealousy? YA FEEL IT?!?! But this isn't the only awespic gift I got. My parents also gave me a Burt the Farting Hippo just like the one Abby Sciuto has. And speaking of NCIS, Santa-man gifted to me a shirt that says 'I (heart) Abby' on it. And my many aunts took it upon themselves to get me even more clothes, but they're actually shirts I'll wear! That's always good, you can never have too many clothes. And the other things this Santa person got me were books, Good Eats season 1 and 2, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on DVD, Eclipse on DVD, AND stocking goodies.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Blessed Kwanzaa, and a happy new year.

Cheese Face out.

20 Things: To Say to Annoy the Pizza Guy

Welcome! This is 20 Things. The Pizza Guy is one of the most loved and hated people of America Cheesecakia.

Loved Example: "Oh, JOY! He's here!!"
Hated Example: "THIS SHOULD OF BEEN HERE IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS!"

Thus proving my point. Here are 20 things you can do to annoy the crap out of the dude/dudette who takes your call.

1. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
2. Answer their questions with questions.
3. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
4. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred".
5. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
6. Rent a pizza.
7. Stutter on the letter 'p'.
8. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther away from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back in place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
10. Tell them to double-check that the pizza is, in fact, dead.
11. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
12. Play a sitar in the background.
13. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
14. Use CB lingo where applicable.
15. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
16. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting".
17. Learn to correctly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
18. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where available.
19.Put them on hold.
20. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit, can't-hack-it, pimple-faced gofer.

Try it and see what happens.

Cheese Face out.

The Cheesey Awards

Yo-yo ma and welcome to the first anniversary Cheesey Award! It was one year ago I awkwardly came up with something that would affect the rest of this blog forEVER. So let's get started.

Favorite TV Show results:
Nominees:
Victorious
Spongebob
Penguins of Madagascar
Invader ZIM
Mythbusters

And the winner is... actually the winners are Penguins of Madagascar, Invader ZIM, and Mythbusters! *Plays awards ceremony music*

The next category is Favorite Commercial.
The Nominees:
RED ONE!
'Cuz I'm a Pothole
Paste for Sock
The Pythagorist... Before That, uh, Theorem

The winner is Cuz I'm a Pothole and The Pythagorist and that other stuff I said. THEOREM!

And now a commercial break.

Hey you! Yes you! Are you tired of playing with wet sand! No? Well you should be! Because we've got something better! Introducing Water SiO2! That's right! Silicon dioxide that never gets wet! You can call 1-888-WTRSIO2 and order yours for only 1999.99!

What do you do after school? Eat? Do chores? Rot your brain? Well if you want to have a life after elementary school stop doing those things! Get out and play an hour a day! Mr. Cheese: I pity the moron.

Well, that was entertaining wasn't it?

Next category is Favorite Song.
Nominees:
Eleanor Rigby
Particle Man
Roy G. Biv
Last Train to Awesometown

And the winner is... Particle Man! "Particle Man, Particle Man, doing the things a particle can..."

The pigeonhole up next is Most Random Thing to Say When Talking to Your Grandmother
Nominees:
CHEETOES?!?!
Oh, well that happened...
RYAN SEACREST!!
OH MY GOD, MY SPLEEN!!

aND ThE wiNNeRs aRe Oh, well that happened..., RYAN SEACREST!!, and OH MY GOD, MY SPLEEN!

Now, a word from our sponsors.

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Oh, yes. That sounds awesome. FULL CIRCLE!

Up next is Favorite Sport.
Nominees:
Cricket
Golf
Baseball/Softballs
Curling
Tennis
Archery

You voted, so Mr. Nemetz won't hate you, maybe, but the winner is Archery! Yes! My school's team has been #1 for like ever.

Favorite KCA Host.
Nominees:
Jack Black
Kevin James
Dwayne Johnson
Ben Stiller

And the winner will be announced after a soapbox speech written by the always cute, rarely wet, and promptly prompt MR. NEMETZ!

Mr. Nemetz speaking:

The Gulf coast. That is where that horrible, sticky black stuff, oil as you may call it, is at. We need to get our act together. 'Kay? Cuz I used to live there before I lived at the MoA. Yeah, so clean it up. Get it sealed, 'kay Mr. EPA Executive. skdjvnhajvhnasdlfkjvsdk.vj nalkjdhga!

And the winner of Favorite KCA Host is James Black and Kevin Jack. No! Jack Black and Kevin James! Yeah!

Favorite Movie results are in.
Nominees:
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

And the winner is Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Up next is Favorite Female singer.
Nominees:
Ke$ha
Taylor Swift
Miley Cyrus
Charlotte Martin

The winner is Charlotte Martin!

Favorite Male Singer
Nominees:
Justin Bieber
Micheal Jackson
Adam Lambert

And the winner of Favorite Male Singer is Micheal Jackson. If he weren't dead, he'd be really excited.

And now for Mr. Cheese's FANTASTICAL STUNT!!!

Well, here in Cheesecakian Studios we have the greatest thing planned. We're gonna go back in time. Really! Nope, we're not. But we did get you excited didn't we. Instead we will make the world's largest bubble! Yeah, not really. I, uh, I don't know... um... back to you Cheese Face.

Mr. Cheese you have sucked for the last time. It's the first anniversary of the Cheeseys and you had to make it suck. No worries, it's always fun watching someone mess up. :0/

Our penultimate category is Favorite Band.
Nominees:
The Beatles
Metallica
They Might Be Giants
Linkin Park

And the penultimate winner of the penultimate category is THE BEATLES! woo-hoo!

And last but not least Favorite Blog
Nominees:
Impaled By Unicorns
BizarroBlog
The Mind of Steve Joe Bob
Your Friendly Neighborhood Goth

and the winner is IMPALED BY UNICORNS! DAH-DA-DA- DAH DA-DA DA-DA DA DAH DA-DA! FRIENDLY MUSIC!

And now for the Honorary Winners.

Emma-- Favorite Blog, FFF, Fellow Cellist

Micah F.-- FFF

Sidney G.-- FFF

Jessie M.-- FFF

Shae S.-- FFF

Rebecca F.-- FFF

Senora Fudgehead-- FFF

All de Nominees-- for participating in the Cheeseys.

Thank you and good NIGHT.

Cheese Face out.

The Cheese Face: The Best Days Ever

During school, there were many wonderful days, that often got a few laughs. Here are the best.

Carl

The story of Carl. When I was new to Cheeseland Middle School, well, not really new, but WE were the youngest grade, the Impaler and I had strings class together. In a portable. Because the school is old, and falling apart. But on one of the last weeks of school the door was open, because it was such a nice day. The Impaler and I were practicing our duet for the concert when in flew... A WASP! Now, I don't like flying, stinging insects, or any insect for that matter. So I was like, "Oh my God, a wasp!" and out teacher was like, "Where?" and I was like," over by the door." So our teacher gets, I think a music book, to try to shoo it away, "Go on, get out of here", but I though he said, "Carl get out of here." And so Impaler and our teacher was like, "What?" Then our teacher said, "Don't name him because then you'll be like 'don't kill Carl.'" And so, on the way back to the building, Impaler kept screaming wasp at random intervals to make me scream. And was laughing. Well, I was laughing too, but--oh, bother.

Cheetos

Fast-forward a year and the Impaler and I are with Mr. S., whom I despise so. We were getting our instruments form our lockers and out of nowhere, our friend Hannah screams, "CHEETOS!" which surprised me and caused me to fall and scream like a little girl. Oh, the laughs.

The Rogue Volleyball

The Impaler, Auntie Wilma, and I were in gym class with Mrs. P. and we were setting the ball to each other, when the Impaler jams her thumb. Being the kind and caring friends we are we rushed over to her side to see if she was ok. Then, this rogue volleyball comes and hits me on the head and I burst into maniacal laughter and can't stop, even after Mrs. P blows her whistle. From then on, I was hit on the head God knows how many times.

Science

Rewind a year. I'm in Science class studying electricity and magnetism. FUN! My teacher was showing us how just coming near one of those outlets that are in the wall, prob'ly couldn't hurt you. So he walks over to the outlet and comes within less than an inch of it and screams. I jumped out my seat 'cuz he scared me. I was thinkin, Holy crap! And then everyone starts laughing, including me. It was fun.

So, those are the ones I remember most. There are others, but I just don't remember the deets.

Cheese Face out.