Well after a little delay, I guess we can PAR-TAY!
Oh, happy times are here! I, Cheese Face Cheeselington III, has reached 100 posts. Granted it took half of 2009 and 5 months out of 2010, I feel accomplished. The Impaler is here to guest blog like I had hoped. And we do have some awesome entertainment. There will be more Rip-Off Commercials than all of the Cheeseys combined. No stunt, though. This isn't the Cheeseys. Humor.
OK, shall we get started.
Flashback:
It was July of '09 and I was new to the blogosphere. I sort of got how this all worked, but otherwise, I didn't get the whole process. I told you the story about how I became known as the Cheese Face, stuff that know normal being should ever do, and about what was lame and what's game. And then, a few months later, school began and with that brought the first ever Cheesey Awards on September 29, 2009.
Oh, the first Cheesey Award. I had no clue what I was doing. I remember the first commercial was 4 words: Drink Coca-Cola. Live life. And from that sprung the giving of the honorary Cheeseys, Rip-Off Commercial and Mr. Cheese's Fantastical Stunt, the latter of which was already there, but they all progressively got bigger and better.
But I must come to a pre-recorded close for a word from our sponsor.
Hey, you. Yes, YOU. Are you tired of your pictures being called "lame" or "drab" or "it looks like a two-year-old did it"? Well, with Blend-A-Pic you won't have to hear those words again, unless you are unbelievably sucky. All you do is put the marker in the Changing Chamber, give it a little squease, and PRESTO! Go from green to yellow, black to red, orange to pink, there's so many options! To order call 1-800-FACKERS or go online to
www.ripoffdeals.net. You must be 18 or older to order.
OH, NO! You've run out of space in that filthy, stinky, overcrowded, hovel, you call your closet. Do you ever get tired of cleaning and re-cleaning that hole in the wall? Well now you don't have to subject yourself to that kind of backbreaking work ever again because now you have the Space-in-a-Bag! With the Space-in-a -Bag, you can store comforters, pillows, blankets, clothes, even a humongous parka will fit! But the best thing is that all your things are UNprotected from things like dirt, bugs, mold and mildew, and water. Here's how it works: You place your nice clean clothes into the bag, zip it closed, and vacuum out the air via mouth! In moments you'll have clean linens and such ruined by the elements. Order now and will throw in this FREE DVD of how to hug a platypus! It's a 4¢ value, but we're giving it to you for $999,999,999,999,999.99! To order call 1-866-555-DUMB or go to www.reeledumstuf.com. You must be 18 or older to order. Buy it today.
And we're back. Now, I will introduce the Impaler to guest blog:
Hey it's the Impaler, here with warm, gooey, wishes for the cheeseface that aren't unlike a delicious toaster pastry. The Cheeseface has reached one HUNDRED whole posts on this blog, and that is no small task. Hooray for you, O cheesey one. I salute your mad bloggin' skillz. And the cheeseface blogged cheesily forever after, THE END.
Well, all I can say is thanks. No really, thanks. The Impaler's right; this was no small task. With chiblets, animals and sheer just unable to access a computer, bloggin' ain't no walk in the park. Which is why I salute all those who work their sit-parts off just to make sure the world is entertained by their somewhat random musings that come into their minds.
Well, umm, er YES! We have an amazing performance tonight! Please bring your hands together for the likings of ME: singing Tom Lehrer's song The Elements Song.
There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum,
selenium and hydrogen and
oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
and nickle, neodymium, neptunium,
germanium and iron, americium,
ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirc-
onium, lutetuim, vanadium,--
OK, I give up. I have it memorized and all, it's just that I'm reading off of my notes for the spellings and at the rate I was typing, it was very hard to do. So how about a song EVERYBODY knows: The Campfire Song Song.
I call this one, the campfire song song.
Let's gather 'round the campfire,
and sing our campfire song.
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G
song and if you don't think that we
can sing it faster then you're wrong,
but it'll help if you just sing along
BUM BUM BUM...
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G
song
our CA-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G
song and if you don't think that we
can sing it faster then you're wrong
but it'll help if you just sing along
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
Patrick
SONG C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E
Squidward.... good
It'll help, it'll help if you just
sing alllloooooooooooooonnnnnggg
OH YEAH!!
Whoo, pullin' this off is harder than I thought.
Tired of flat pieces of paper? Looking for something to do on the night before school? Are your pens and pencils like every other machine made clones? Well, fret no more Jimmy. Introducing Fuz-R-Uz! With Fuz-R-Uz you can bend them, twist them, even EAT them. We're just kidding. But it's true, you can bend and shape them to whatever you little heart desires. Fuz-R-Uz your pen, Fuz-R-Uz your glasses, or just make a Fuz-R-Uz zoo. Each Fuz-R-Uz kit comes with 21 colored Fuz-R-Uz Stixz that you can use over and over and over again. BUT WAIT! Call now and we'll give you, nay, send you a second Fuz-R-Uz kit absolutely FREE! BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! We'll also send you a DVD explaining the history of Persian green. That's a $5 value but you'll only have to pay 5 easy payments of $99.99.99.99! To order call 1-866-STUPIDZ. *kids, feel free to use your parents' credit or debit card and ruin them financially!*
Ok, well I guess I kinda lied about the commercials. But there was more in here than
ONE Cheesey Awards show, right. Look, my creative juices aren't--oh, bother.
Well. Good night.
Cheese Face out.
Yeah, not really. I, uh, I don't know... um... back to you Cheese Face.